How would you recommend dealing with a kid who will go as long as 48 hours without eating because he doesn't like anything that is available. Asking for a friend.
Oh Beth, I can’t imagine the heartbreak, grief, and feelings of guilt you have carried since that horrific collision. And it really is such a specific trauma for your body and mind to go through. Thank you for being willing to share your vulnerable emotions with us. Let it out. And keep letting it out whenever you need. ♥️
I have a relative who is an HP. He was in an officer-involved death, attempting to stop an intoxicated driver who was driving dangerously. This person is a highly trained professional adult. He took by-the-book actions, had no ill-intent toward the person, and knew the risk, but that doesn’t change the fact that he will still have to carry it for the rest of his life. As he said, that person had a family, too.
Thank you for sharing about the Hyacinth Fellowship. I will pass it along.
First of all, Beth, I see you in your inability to recover from tears. I am the same. I have said many times I wish that I understood the concept of a therapeutic cry, but I do not. When I get to the edge of the cliff where I might fall over into the land of tears, I know exactly what will come next. I will be unable to recover and will end up with a ghastly headache. I'm sorry for us!
I have a million words about the parenting stuff! It's one of my fav topics! My kids are all in their 20's and the authoritative teaching I followed was Parenting with Love and Logic. It was a lifesaver. One thing Sarah said about how parents need to lock in on their children following directions and generally obeying by three years old or all bets are off made me think of the best Love and Logic analogy. The hilariously called it "Basic German Shepherd!" Their premise was similar... your child should know and obey basic dog commands between 18mo-3 years old! Think about it! No. Stop. Off. Come. Go. They talk about how for the very littles it's a matter of safety, but then lays the foundation of more complex teaching.
I invited three colleagues who are all psychology professors to facilitate a parenting class at church focused on basic child development and then evidence-based practices for teaching, guiding, and correcting. I grew up in a home that was so lovely and functioned with an egalitarian parenting model and authoritative parenting, but so many people I know were scarred by the authoritarian stuff that churches were peddling (thanks, Dobson). I decided we need to reclaim this and walk through parenting with others at church in healthy and beautiful ways. It was so well-received.
I gasped when I saw what this episode was about. Today is the five year anniversary of the death of one of my dearest friends who was quite possibly the biggest pillar of POSITIVE influence in our city. He, his wife, and their three children were hit on the highway be a man with multiple convictions who was under the influence. He was the only one killed. Our entire city has never been the same. I have a tattoo in his honor that is an incomplete heart because Mark's heart always had more love to give and his heart was also open to welcoming all. God be praised for the life of Mark Rogers. (I'm leaving another comment about the parenting part! Ha!)
In education we have the idea of a warm demander, which is similar to an authoritative parent, but in the classroom. It's a tricky balance sometimes, but ultimately very worth it. So much in this episode, Sarah and Beth. I'll be back later to read all of the comments.
Back to say I am going to have to listen to this episode a second time -it was so impactful and I cant stop thinking about all of it. Having my husband listen too. Thanks to the PSP community for all the interesting comments
But the segment about Beth did not overshadow the content about parenting -which was excellent too. If I felt my nieces would be open to it I would insist on them listening, but I find young often parents want to find their own way. Even with their respect for me. (I don’t think I was any different).
Any Kentuckians able to tell me what Beshear did to piss off Beth and Sarah?
He seems like he has his sights on a Presidential run (where they don't think he'll be very successful) when he could have run for Mitch McConnell's Senate seat and likely won and been in a very good position to do a lot of good for our country RIGHT NOW and in the long run.
I heard them say in the live yesterday that they wish he would have run for Senate because they felt he could win it and represent them. That could be it?
I loved this whole conversation and in particular the parenting part. I was raised in a detrimentally authoritarian/James Dobson type home and it has been tough to find the sweet spot with my own kids rather than tip too far to the other extreme. I think we're figuring it out but it is also encouraging to hear from you guys who are ahead of me that I'm probably not going to break my kids by having expectations for how they behave. 😅
I have 1 kid who eats everything and 1 kid who will starve himself before eating anything. I gave them both the same foods at the same times, and cook almost all meals. It is the most frustrating thing on the planet!
This was my sister and me. She will eat anything. Textures throw me for a loop, and I'm more picky, which as an adult now I could kill to change. I would sit at the table, trying to choke down food like zucchini until I barfed as a kid, but I would happily eat broccoli. I would love to be a more adventurous eater but I'm just not built that way. I have 5 kids and it's a total grab bag I think. Even my twins are wildly different in what they will eat.
Y'all. I know you aren't trekkies but I swear this was incredibly similar to the 8th episode of Starfleet Academy that recently aired. It was about all the same issues. Dealing with trauma from an accident and war (being forever changed, feeling trapped by expectations and having to change), how parenting and childhood is required for learning resilience and managing adulthood.
The sendoff for that episode:
"Life is a heartbreaking gorgeous blip in the universe. Everything matters, and nothing does. What has always been certain: time is both forever and achingly finite. But what a shame it would be to not live every moment".
Thank you, Beth and Sarah, for such an honest, poignant, and profound discussion. Wow. Thank you. Beth, you did amazingly well, and I so admire how you balanced your vulnerability and emotion with your intellect and insights. Sarah, I so appreciate your beautiful comments on finding meaning in the chaos lottery of life by sharing our love and support with others.
Thank you both for what a thoughtful, wide-ranging episode. My fiancé and I are hoping to get pregnant later this year. Both of us are oldest daughters (she has five younger siblings and I have three). As we think about parenting our kids, we talk a lot about balancing giving children responsibility while avoiding parentification. I am so grateful for all the skills my parents gave me-- and I was relied on much too heavily on from a very, very young age. I don't like the way it's negatively impacted my relationship with my siblings (there has been some hard work now that we are all adults to try and sort through our relationships). I also feel like I had a hard time having fun as a middle schooler and a teenager. It will be interesting to see what figuring this out looks like for us.
Beth I am so sorry that your early life and driving life contained this experience- the feelings you have had to face in your young life and as you have grown could very easily have been debilitating. I live in GA and this story has hurt my heart. My first thought was about these kids and how in their senior year (I too have a senior), everything just went so wrong. This conversation was very impactful and you sharing this experience and being the truly beautiful human you have become as you have integrated this experience into your being has improved all of our lives❤️❤️❤️ Thank you both for facing the hard things with us❤️❤️❤️
This was an excellent episode - I want to go back and listen again so I don't miss anything because it was just that good!
I think kids sometimes require different types of parenting. I was very much a permissive parent (most of the time a regret) which worked perfectly fine for my daughter and terribly so with my son. I had my daughter very young (a month after I turned 18) and I myself was still growing up. I wasn't much older and had my son and have been a single parent to both since. They're now 22 and 17. My daughter will graduate college in May and is on her way. I'm still working to try to reverse some of the damage of my parenting style with my son and have a ways to go.
I have a ton of regrets but they have both been excellent eaters since a young age and actually enjoy more food diversity than I do because I exposed them to many different type of food from a young age. I also only made one dinner - I didn't have time to make multiple things to cater to their wants. I guess I didn't do everything wrong!
100%. One of my kids is very different from both my husband and myself, so it has been difficult for us to parent him because we don't know how to motivate him. The biggest hurdle is that it doesn't bother him if people are mad at him, disappointed in him, etc, and he also didn't really care if privileges were taken away from him
How would you recommend dealing with a kid who will go as long as 48 hours without eating because he doesn't like anything that is available. Asking for a friend.
Oh Beth, I can’t imagine the heartbreak, grief, and feelings of guilt you have carried since that horrific collision. And it really is such a specific trauma for your body and mind to go through. Thank you for being willing to share your vulnerable emotions with us. Let it out. And keep letting it out whenever you need. ♥️
I have a relative who is an HP. He was in an officer-involved death, attempting to stop an intoxicated driver who was driving dangerously. This person is a highly trained professional adult. He took by-the-book actions, had no ill-intent toward the person, and knew the risk, but that doesn’t change the fact that he will still have to carry it for the rest of his life. As he said, that person had a family, too.
Thank you for sharing about the Hyacinth Fellowship. I will pass it along.
Just cried through like half this episode. Thank you for your vulnerability!
First of all, Beth, I see you in your inability to recover from tears. I am the same. I have said many times I wish that I understood the concept of a therapeutic cry, but I do not. When I get to the edge of the cliff where I might fall over into the land of tears, I know exactly what will come next. I will be unable to recover and will end up with a ghastly headache. I'm sorry for us!
I have a million words about the parenting stuff! It's one of my fav topics! My kids are all in their 20's and the authoritative teaching I followed was Parenting with Love and Logic. It was a lifesaver. One thing Sarah said about how parents need to lock in on their children following directions and generally obeying by three years old or all bets are off made me think of the best Love and Logic analogy. The hilariously called it "Basic German Shepherd!" Their premise was similar... your child should know and obey basic dog commands between 18mo-3 years old! Think about it! No. Stop. Off. Come. Go. They talk about how for the very littles it's a matter of safety, but then lays the foundation of more complex teaching.
I invited three colleagues who are all psychology professors to facilitate a parenting class at church focused on basic child development and then evidence-based practices for teaching, guiding, and correcting. I grew up in a home that was so lovely and functioned with an egalitarian parenting model and authoritative parenting, but so many people I know were scarred by the authoritarian stuff that churches were peddling (thanks, Dobson). I decided we need to reclaim this and walk through parenting with others at church in healthy and beautiful ways. It was so well-received.
I gasped when I saw what this episode was about. Today is the five year anniversary of the death of one of my dearest friends who was quite possibly the biggest pillar of POSITIVE influence in our city. He, his wife, and their three children were hit on the highway be a man with multiple convictions who was under the influence. He was the only one killed. Our entire city has never been the same. I have a tattoo in his honor that is an incomplete heart because Mark's heart always had more love to give and his heart was also open to welcoming all. God be praised for the life of Mark Rogers. (I'm leaving another comment about the parenting part! Ha!)
In education we have the idea of a warm demander, which is similar to an authoritative parent, but in the classroom. It's a tricky balance sometimes, but ultimately very worth it. So much in this episode, Sarah and Beth. I'll be back later to read all of the comments.
I love that we both made this connection! Spot on.
Back to say I am going to have to listen to this episode a second time -it was so impactful and I cant stop thinking about all of it. Having my husband listen too. Thanks to the PSP community for all the interesting comments
But the segment about Beth did not overshadow the content about parenting -which was excellent too. If I felt my nieces would be open to it I would insist on them listening, but I find young often parents want to find their own way. Even with their respect for me. (I don’t think I was any different).
Any Kentuckians able to tell me what Beshear did to piss off Beth and Sarah?
He seems like he has his sights on a Presidential run (where they don't think he'll be very successful) when he could have run for Mitch McConnell's Senate seat and likely won and been in a very good position to do a lot of good for our country RIGHT NOW and in the long run.
I heard them say in the live yesterday that they wish he would have run for Senate because they felt he could win it and represent them. That could be it?
I loved this whole conversation and in particular the parenting part. I was raised in a detrimentally authoritarian/James Dobson type home and it has been tough to find the sweet spot with my own kids rather than tip too far to the other extreme. I think we're figuring it out but it is also encouraging to hear from you guys who are ahead of me that I'm probably not going to break my kids by having expectations for how they behave. 😅
Since you asked, Beth… you were very close, it’s pronounced doh-ROH-tah with a slight roll to the r. ☺️
The charges against the teenagers in Georgia were dropped this afternoon.
We saw that and are so relieved for them!
I have 1 kid who eats everything and 1 kid who will starve himself before eating anything. I gave them both the same foods at the same times, and cook almost all meals. It is the most frustrating thing on the planet!
This was my sister and me. She will eat anything. Textures throw me for a loop, and I'm more picky, which as an adult now I could kill to change. I would sit at the table, trying to choke down food like zucchini until I barfed as a kid, but I would happily eat broccoli. I would love to be a more adventurous eater but I'm just not built that way. I have 5 kids and it's a total grab bag I think. Even my twins are wildly different in what they will eat.
What a great episode.
Y'all. I know you aren't trekkies but I swear this was incredibly similar to the 8th episode of Starfleet Academy that recently aired. It was about all the same issues. Dealing with trauma from an accident and war (being forever changed, feeling trapped by expectations and having to change), how parenting and childhood is required for learning resilience and managing adulthood.
The sendoff for that episode:
"Life is a heartbreaking gorgeous blip in the universe. Everything matters, and nothing does. What has always been certain: time is both forever and achingly finite. But what a shame it would be to not live every moment".
Great to discover a fellow Star Trek fan among the Spice Cabinet here!
🖖😁
Thank you, Beth and Sarah, for such an honest, poignant, and profound discussion. Wow. Thank you. Beth, you did amazingly well, and I so admire how you balanced your vulnerability and emotion with your intellect and insights. Sarah, I so appreciate your beautiful comments on finding meaning in the chaos lottery of life by sharing our love and support with others.
Thank you both for what a thoughtful, wide-ranging episode. My fiancé and I are hoping to get pregnant later this year. Both of us are oldest daughters (she has five younger siblings and I have three). As we think about parenting our kids, we talk a lot about balancing giving children responsibility while avoiding parentification. I am so grateful for all the skills my parents gave me-- and I was relied on much too heavily on from a very, very young age. I don't like the way it's negatively impacted my relationship with my siblings (there has been some hard work now that we are all adults to try and sort through our relationships). I also feel like I had a hard time having fun as a middle schooler and a teenager. It will be interesting to see what figuring this out looks like for us.
Beth I am so sorry that your early life and driving life contained this experience- the feelings you have had to face in your young life and as you have grown could very easily have been debilitating. I live in GA and this story has hurt my heart. My first thought was about these kids and how in their senior year (I too have a senior), everything just went so wrong. This conversation was very impactful and you sharing this experience and being the truly beautiful human you have become as you have integrated this experience into your being has improved all of our lives❤️❤️❤️ Thank you both for facing the hard things with us❤️❤️❤️
This was an excellent episode - I want to go back and listen again so I don't miss anything because it was just that good!
I think kids sometimes require different types of parenting. I was very much a permissive parent (most of the time a regret) which worked perfectly fine for my daughter and terribly so with my son. I had my daughter very young (a month after I turned 18) and I myself was still growing up. I wasn't much older and had my son and have been a single parent to both since. They're now 22 and 17. My daughter will graduate college in May and is on her way. I'm still working to try to reverse some of the damage of my parenting style with my son and have a ways to go.
I have a ton of regrets but they have both been excellent eaters since a young age and actually enjoy more food diversity than I do because I exposed them to many different type of food from a young age. I also only made one dinner - I didn't have time to make multiple things to cater to their wants. I guess I didn't do everything wrong!
100%. One of my kids is very different from both my husband and myself, so it has been difficult for us to parent him because we don't know how to motivate him. The biggest hurdle is that it doesn't bother him if people are mad at him, disappointed in him, etc, and he also didn't really care if privileges were taken away from him