Knowing S*** from Apple Sauce
And other lessons from Grandmother Joy
Everyone is annoying right now. Or is it just me?
I am steeped in the irritability that often follows major events, especially disappointing events. The takes aren’t sitting well with me. I don’t quite know where to put my time and focus. I am simultaneously frozen and impatient. I am both worried and dismissive of worry. I’m laughing at the memes while hating the memes. I feel everything and nothing about everything and nothing.
In this absolute clusterf*ck of emotions, I’ve been chatting with my Grandmother Joy. Nevermind that she died 9 years ago. I have wind chimes from her funeral hanging on a tree. I ask her questions via the wind chimes, and I think she, sort of, in some way, answers.
I’ve been talking to Grandmother Joy, and she’s been, sort of, in some way, telling me to remember things that I know. Proverbs. The Yoga Sutras. Aesop’s Fables. Stephen Sondheim lyrics. From this personal canon, one quote is jumping out at me. It comes from Patti Digh, an author and writer: “Put down your clever and pick up your ordinary.”
Good writing is about telling the truth. The truth lies in the mundane. Trying to be clever often steers you away from the truth and toward, among other things, too many adverbs.
I wonder if everyone is annoying right now because I see too much cleverness in the universe (by which I, of course, mean the internet). There’s too much “I told you so” when no-you-didn’t and too much “if only you had done this niche thing I wanted you to” when actually-I-did-but-who-cares-it-didn’t-matter-anyway. Metric tons of “America sucks because xyz” and “people suck because xyz” and “everything will always suck but also get ready to fight for it.” So much “lol you’re taking the bait” and “look at all this five-dimensional chess.” Gloating and grimacing and grieving and giggling all together in a supremely annoying online stew.
Clever is much more comfortable than ordinary, especially when I am a contributor to the supremely annoying online stew. It’s more fun to be funny than earnest. It feels much more on-brand (groan) to lean into something…devastation! expertise! anxiety! ennui! anything! Anything is better than ordinary.
But ordinary is the truth. So here’s what’s true for me right now: I don’t know.
I don’t know why America elected Donald Trump again. I’m working on understanding.
I don’t know if Donald Trump will close the Department of Education or how or when or what exactly it will mean.
I don’t know what it means that Trump keeps raiding the small House majority for appointees. I don’t know if the Senate will confirm his truly bananas nominees.
I don’t know if there will be raids to deport noncitizens or how they’ll be conducted or what courts will do. I don’t know if they’ll try to end birthright citizenship through legal means or through extralegal means. I don’t know if they’ll be successful. I don’t know what Trump’s definition of success is.
I don’t know if actually some good will come of this or no, it’s definitely going to be hell on earth.
I don’t know what I would do right now if I were Joe Biden. Or Kamala Harris. Or Sonia Sotomayor. Or Jack Smith. Or Volodymyr Zelensky. Or Vladimir Putin. Or John Thune. Or Xi Jinping.
If I were a teacher, I don’t know what I would say to students who are scared or who are thrilled. If I were a minister, I don’t know what I’d say to my congregation. If I were an OBGYN, I don’t know if I’d look for a new profession or stay and fight. If I were younger, I don’t know if I’d be comfortable with another pregnancy. I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.
What a podcast pitch! “I don’t know…wanna hear my thoughts?” Or as Grandmother Joy might have put it, “Subscribe today to hear Beth Silvers, who doesn’t know shit from apple butter!”
Back to my personal canon (more musical theater): “The more I live/ the more I learn/ the more I learn the more I realize/ the less I know.”
Also, a riff on another work in my personal canon: I’m annoyed but I’m working (ba-by!🎵).
I’m here. I’m listening. I’m putting down my clever. And I know that I’m not alone in my ordinary. That’s enough right now.
The one thing we want you to know this week…
Just kidding, we want you to know three things this week.
It’s the holiday season. If you’d like to give yourself the gift of Pantsuit Politics, Alise has put together a Pantsuit Politics Fan Gift Guide
If your post-election heart is hurting, you might enjoy the replay of Sarah and Beth’s live show with Vanessa Zoltan. You can purchase the live show recording here until December 1.
If you’re looking for more ways to be with the spice cabinet community, Maggie has our Holiday Card Exchange up and running for this year! (Addresses will go out next Monday)
The one thing we can’t stop thinking about…
ICYMI: We had our Quarterly Spicy Live last night! If you want to hear Sarah and Beth’s thoughts about Melania Trump’s memoir, Matt Gaetz, and the Trump administration’s appointments through yesterday, there’s a replay available.
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Yes, lots of "I don't know" in my heart right now, too, Beth. Thanks for sharing, as always. I was being exceptionally cynical at first, but I'm beginning to soften. Much of that has to do with mature way you and Sarah handle things. Thank you for that. Your "I don't knows" are quite helpful to me.
Ok, so I read the paragraph of names and came to “Volodymyr”. Stopped in my tracks. Honest to goodness I thought “why is Voldemort on this list? Is that how you spell it?” it wasn’t until I saw the last name at the beginning of the next line (on my phone) that I realized my error.
Anyway, in a mildly related thought, this quote is helpful to me:
“The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns. Faith also means reaching deeply within, for the sense one was born with, the sense, for example, to go for a walk”. [or drive]
Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith