This post was really timely for me personally. I attended a funeral today for a cousin who died in a terrible accident. While there, I also got to see many of my aunts and uncles, who are also very visibly aging. My dad was the youngest of 14 children, my mom is the youngest of 9, and I’m the youngest in my family. I don’t know that I’m ready for all the death that lies ahead in my own family, let alone in our country.
I think I feel more comfortable talking about death than many of my peers (I’m 39), because I’ve already experienced death in people close to me. At the same time, that familiarity also feels lonely, like I’m the only one thinking about this at this stage of my life. Nobody wants to be the one in the room that’s like, “Hey, let’s grab dinner and talk about death!,” but also I kinda do wanna be that girl.
Thanks so much for this perspective. You guys are just so calmly balanced and measured in your approaches. I so appreciate your respect for another human and your insight about what’s coming at us.
I’m 54 with stage IV cancer. I’ve been working with a death doula for some time. That’s a pretty new profession. And while I think that’s a good development, it’s still hard to bring death related issues up with peers. Thanks for shining a light on that.
Thank you for writing this. I gasped when I read your stats about the number of baby boomers and silent generation in the senate even though I’m sure I’ve learned that more than once before. I’m also reflecting on how this is also likely why those of us younger (and middle age is hardly “young”) feel so disconnected from politics. And that we need our generation and younger to be voting in the same number as boomers if we want to lower the age of our representation.
That being said, to the point of death, I’m always reminded of how uncomfortable Americans are discussing it compared to other cultures.
Whoops! Posted before I was done. I feel sad whenever I hear of anyone’s death and this morning was no exception. It always makes me wonder- what will people have to say about me when I pass and what kind of legacy I will leave.
Death is a conversation we don’t have often enough. I’ve been surrounded by elders since I was 22, driving a wheelchair van for the Waukesha County Department of Aging in Wisconsin. I now am one at 69 next week.
My wife is 74 with dementia, my 4 remaining siblings are 63 to 72. Lost a brother last year, he was 64. My wife’s and my weekly breakfast group has had 4 die in the 14 years we’ve been meeting. At 96, 91, 88, and one last month at 85. We now run from 68 to 88 with me the baby of the group. And boy do they enjoy teasing me about that ;-)
Death is something I have been able to discuss since losing our mother at 53 in 1984. It has brought me wonderful friends of all ages, grateful that they could have a conversation that their parents, children, friends or family members could not. For something unavoidable we are all very much in denial. I have learned so much from them all. But probably the most important thing is to truly appreciate the time I have with everyone I know. Being deeply present with my people of all ages. It also really changes where you are willing to put your time and attention. The connections we share are the point of life. Nothing else we have created as humans matters anywhere near as much. No wealth, no job, no possessions hold what that connection brings us. And being honest about death brings that home.
Xennial here and I find that my friends and I talk about death and planning quite often. Mostly because we are burying our baby boomer parents. We pack up 3 and 4 bedroom homes our parents kept till their death and remark on how we give most of their things away. We hold on to what’s important, old photos, my grandmothers cookie jar, my father’s pocket knife, etc.
Most of us married and had kids in our 20s.
Most of us plan to retire young - 55 to 62.
Most of us plan to sell our big houses and get smaller places with less upkeep so we can travel.
I think the tide of working till death is changing. At least for myself and husband it is.
This post was really timely for me personally. I attended a funeral today for a cousin who died in a terrible accident. While there, I also got to see many of my aunts and uncles, who are also very visibly aging. My dad was the youngest of 14 children, my mom is the youngest of 9, and I’m the youngest in my family. I don’t know that I’m ready for all the death that lies ahead in my own family, let alone in our country.
I think I feel more comfortable talking about death than many of my peers (I’m 39), because I’ve already experienced death in people close to me. At the same time, that familiarity also feels lonely, like I’m the only one thinking about this at this stage of my life. Nobody wants to be the one in the room that’s like, “Hey, let’s grab dinner and talk about death!,” but also I kinda do wanna be that girl.
Thanks so much for this perspective. You guys are just so calmly balanced and measured in your approaches. I so appreciate your respect for another human and your insight about what’s coming at us.
I’m 54 with stage IV cancer. I’ve been working with a death doula for some time. That’s a pretty new profession. And while I think that’s a good development, it’s still hard to bring death related issues up with peers. Thanks for shining a light on that.
Thank you for writing this. I gasped when I read your stats about the number of baby boomers and silent generation in the senate even though I’m sure I’ve learned that more than once before. I’m also reflecting on how this is also likely why those of us younger (and middle age is hardly “young”) feel so disconnected from politics. And that we need our generation and younger to be voting in the same number as boomers if we want to lower the age of our representation.
That being said, to the point of death, I’m always reminded of how uncomfortable Americans are discussing it compared to other cultures.
Whoops! Posted before I was done. I feel sad whenever I hear of anyone’s death and this morning was no exception. It always makes me wonder- what will people have to say about me when I pass and what kind of legacy I will leave.
Thank you so much for a sane take on all of this.
The band American Aquarium has a song that speaks to this very topic: https://open.spotify.com/track/3Xv0aIk3NGew9rTHQa0gyP?si=Bwh5QioLRwOc5CulAzDHZQ&utm_source=copy-link
Death is a conversation we don’t have often enough. I’ve been surrounded by elders since I was 22, driving a wheelchair van for the Waukesha County Department of Aging in Wisconsin. I now am one at 69 next week.
My wife is 74 with dementia, my 4 remaining siblings are 63 to 72. Lost a brother last year, he was 64. My wife’s and my weekly breakfast group has had 4 die in the 14 years we’ve been meeting. At 96, 91, 88, and one last month at 85. We now run from 68 to 88 with me the baby of the group. And boy do they enjoy teasing me about that ;-)
Death is something I have been able to discuss since losing our mother at 53 in 1984. It has brought me wonderful friends of all ages, grateful that they could have a conversation that their parents, children, friends or family members could not. For something unavoidable we are all very much in denial. I have learned so much from them all. But probably the most important thing is to truly appreciate the time I have with everyone I know. Being deeply present with my people of all ages. It also really changes where you are willing to put your time and attention. The connections we share are the point of life. Nothing else we have created as humans matters anywhere near as much. No wealth, no job, no possessions hold what that connection brings us. And being honest about death brings that home.
Xennial here and I find that my friends and I talk about death and planning quite often. Mostly because we are burying our baby boomer parents. We pack up 3 and 4 bedroom homes our parents kept till their death and remark on how we give most of their things away. We hold on to what’s important, old photos, my grandmothers cookie jar, my father’s pocket knife, etc.
Most of us married and had kids in our 20s.
Most of us plan to retire young - 55 to 62.
Most of us plan to sell our big houses and get smaller places with less upkeep so we can travel.
I think the tide of working till death is changing. At least for myself and husband it is.