This feels closer and closer to me as we learn more information. For context, I am a mom of a 22 year old white son who plays video games. I’m also LDS. A friends daughter was there and witnessed the shooting. Other LDS friends have children that work and go to UVU and were on campus, or going towards campus. Almost the entirety of my mothers side of the family lives in Utah.
I barely knew of CKs existence before this happened. If I heard his voice, I wouldn’t recognize it. And this whole thing feels more impactful than it should be on my personal life.
I made some poor choices on social media on January 6, and I am trying to learn from them. I only posted a hotline to call if someone needed to talk to someone. I have processed my feelings on my own, or in a small Facebook group full of mostly LDS women who floored how Trump has infiltrated our religious home. I want to be a part of people coming together, and not for more division, and that is why I choose to listen to this podcast over others.
But here I am. The shooter is from my faith community. (I do not live in Utah.) I have a son that is the same age and plays video games. He voted for Harris last year so I don’t believe he is engaged in any far right anything. I find myself heartbroken for those parents. I find it horrifying that CKs wife and children were present. (Please correct me if I’m wrong about this.) I hate all of it. It should not have happened at all. I’m trying to be quiet. Sit with it.
Listening to you process it the other day was very helpful. One of the best books on relationships I’ve read (How to Hug a Porcupine by John Lund) has a part where it talks about the person we want to be. If we do something for someone, we have to do it because of who we are, not with any expectations of reciprocity, gratitude, praise, or even acknowledgement. We do it because WE are a good person. And I’m sitting with that throughout this whole thing. I will mourn him because of who I am, not because of who he was. I will mourn with the shooters parents, because of the same. I will mourn with the families who are the victims of yet another school shooting. I will vote for better gun laws in my community, and advocate for education and training for those that do own them. (We are a military family, husband recently retired. He owns a few. He has been well trained. They are in a safe. I don’t even have the key to it.)
My faith asks me to ‘mourn with those that mourn, comfort those that stand in need of comfort’ and I’m trying. And holding the awful, divisive, and violent things CK said at the same time. Both are true. We have to hold both.
Idk where to put this question, but I’m behind the world and just finished the Netflix series Adolescence. I’d been putting it off because I knew it’d be rough, but I guess after this week it felt congruent to spend time with a show about boys who aren’t okay, in large part because of the internet. It brought up a lot for me as a therapist who started my career working with men in inpatient treatment. I work with 99% women now, yes there is a good deal to unpack there.
Did S + B do a deeper conversation about this show? I’d be surprised if they didn’t, but I can’t find it.
I have been thinking about the comments regarding faith and “if they’re shot, I’m shot”. While I’m definitely empathic, that’s a pretty extreme and exhausting point of view as someone who works with folks nearing end of life. I think I understand the sentiment behind it, and it feels like an over statement.
Do you know how many people are victims of violence daily?
Just considering gun violence, 125 people are killed daily in the U.S. on average and 324 total are injured DAILY.
With the numbers, it feels maybe disingenuous to have feelings about one person when hundreds are impacted daily.
I understand that this was someone many people knew. And his life is no more valuable than anyone else’s life.
We react to celebrities and overlook our “neighbors”.
Guns are the problem. Every time. 324 people on average PER DAY.
That’s 118,260 annually injured or killed by gun violence alone in this country.
I can’t take in that number and say that if they are shot, I’m shot. I think I’d fall apart. I can empathize and fight for better. We all deserve better.
I’m in Utah, my son will attend UVU next fall and I am grieving on so many levels: for Charlie Kirk’s family, for the students who witnessed an unthinkable thing, and the family of the shooter who made an impossible choice.
I read this letter to the shooter father today and thought I would share. Grace will get us through
Dear Mr. Robinson,
I don’t know you, but I know what you did. And I need you to hear this:
You made one of the hardest choices a parent could ever face.
You chose truth over protection. Accountability over silence.
You turned in your own son—not out of cruelty, but out of integrity.
And I can’t stop thinking about the cost of that.
I imagine the moment you recognized him.
The breath leaving your body.
The ache that settled in your bones.
The war between love and justice playing out in real time.
You didn’t run. You didn’t hide.
You acted.
And in doing so, you prevented more chaos.
You gave the country clarity when it was drowning in speculation.
You reminded us that justice isn’t just a system—it’s a choice.
A brutal, soul-rending choice.
I don’t know what your days look like now.
I imagine grief. Shame. Anger.
But I also imagine love.
Because only love could have made that call.
Only love could have said, “This ends here.”
You didn’t fail as a father.
You showed us what fatherhood looks like when it’s forged in fire.
You showed us what it means to hold the line—even when it breaks your heart.
I’m grieving for Charlie Kirk’s family.
I’m grieving for yours, too.
And I’m holding space for the kind of clarity you modeled—because it’s rare, and it matters.
I really appreciate you putting out this episode.I work at a local tv station so we had the breaking news on all day making things feel even more emotional and chaotic. Even more heartbreaking is when breaking news of a shooting is interrupted by breaking news of school shooting.
And when I asked to my teens if they knew about the shooting I was a little shocked to learn how well they knew Charlie Kirk and his viral TikTok videos. My 16 year old even said he really liked watching his debates and saw him as a smart guy even if he didn't agree with everything he said. And sadly my teens witnessed his assassination online. As a parent, this feels like all new territory and I'm not sure how to navigate it.
I'm always so grateful for your thoughts on very difficult topics. In talking about the Venezuelan ship, all I could think about is Michael Connelly's character Harry Bosch, who in the books always says everyone matters or no one matters. To me, the ideals of America mean everyone matters.
I have so many feelings about this. Charlie Kirk said many abhorrent things and caused real, terrible harm, and also he was still a human who should not have been shot. I wish we could take this moment to say yeah, we need to take a step back here. Instead the President is talking about giving him a medal of honor and listing off only Republican targets of political violence. It's hurting me in a way that's surprising me... I thought I was past being shocked by his discourse. I'm finding myself resonating with the content that's like - ALL of these people are humans with lives and families who matter and should be granted safety and dignity... Democrats, Republicans, immigrants, kids, the people on the Venezuelan boat, poor people, wealthy people. We have to find a way to re-embrace humanity.
Appreciating Governor Cox - To my young friends out there: you are inheriting a country where politics feels like rage. It feels like rage is the only option,” he said. “But through those words we have a reminder that we can choose a different path. Your generation has an opportunity to build a culture that is very different than what we are suffering through right now. Not by pretending differences don’t matter, but by embracing our differences and having those hard conversations.
Beth, I am not a religious person, in fact would likely label myself an atheist, but your words really hit …. When anyone else is shot, so am I. And when someone pulls the trigger, so do I. Because my brokenness is in the world and it is in me.
We are all interconnected, and would be so much better served if we realized this and treated one another accordingly 💛
I’m feeling a little terrified about violence that will follow this. I drove past UVU today for a work conference. On my drive home I saw two cop cars pulling over two cars. One of the cars had a college age guy in it and the back windshield said “fuck you liberals RIP Charlie.” There were also tons of news and cameras out recording at the campus.
This killing is horrifying, as is all of the violence we’re seeing in this country. Also, Charlie Kirk had horrifying views. Both of those things can be true and it’s ok to say so. The one two punch of this violent act combined with him immediately being turned into a martyr (flags at half mast? Why?) really has my head spinning. My social media is pretty curated so I haven’t seen anyone either celebrating his death or comparing him to Jesus, which I’m glad of. I appreciated this episode. I worked hard to stay mostly offline yesterday and didn’t even listen to my podcasts at all as I needed some space to breathe and process. I was ready to listen today and was glad to hear from you both.
I am struggling. To survive the Trump MAGA years I won't lie - I have cut most of those people out of my life. That is not to say I don't have Republicans in my life. I have some MAGA family members still in my life and in my social network but they do not post all the terrible things they think and that allows me keep sane and when we visit we simply don't talk politics. Charlie Kirk dying has been a red flag of how many Christian Nationalists I have in my life and it's really overwhelming. They are comparing his death to Jesus Christ. To which I moan, Jesus Christ! I'm not even religious any longer and that disgusts me. Not just because it's Charlie Kirk, but no one is Jesus Christ! I am struggling to want to keep community with these people at all. I mean I get it, this will pass and most people will go back to posting about their kids or whatever but I can't unsee these things. I can't unread these things. I just "wish" they didn't say/type them. I know people in my life don't see my perspective on abortion and maybe to them they can't unsee my words on that either. I don't mind because I am passionate about my belief in a woman's right to her autonomy. And then I think, are they that proud and passionate about their stances around Charlie Kirk? Do they truly believe this man who said so many hateful awful things is truly a man of God? Worse, did they too, like the things Charlie said? Are they in a fever swamp and can't see what they are doing? Am I too sensitive? -- And if they truly like that Charlie Kirk yelling what is in their heart, how do I or better yet WHY do I keep these people in my orbit? I don't want to think in a vacuum. I like people who challenge my thoughts, varying backgrounds, processes, etc - but I do not like people who challenge my heart. I don't know. I'll end it with where I began, I am struggling.
I feel your struggle. I'm thinking a lot about what kind of vacuum Kirk and others (good, bad, and otherwise) are stepping into for people. The intensity of emotion -- it just makes me think that we are maybe starving for more mentors and leaders in our social circles and communities.
Thank you for doing this episode. I've been trying to process in the pockets of my day where I have some quiet. I have refrained from saying anything about this publicly or even to friends and family because I'm having a hard time figuring out how I feel. And honestly, nothing I can say will do much good. This episode helped me process a bit more. My first thought after I heard the news was "shit, this isn't going to end well" followed by the complex feelings that many are expressing here. Violence never ends well and no one deserves to have their life ended at the hands of another human. I can both see the humanity in someone, and acknowledge that they don't deserve to be killed, while also not mourning or memorializing them. I feel for his wife and children. My spouse is currently deployed overseas - as he has been many times before. I've often had to sit with the fact that he could not come home and my children would be left without a father. I don't want that for anyone. I also feel for those who have been hurt by his actions and the spread of his ideals. I can see us as a society struggling to live in the grey and I fear it is only getting worse.
Here in Utah, we saw people driving around in big pickups with huge American flags and PITCHFORKS. This is a truly frightening time.
This feels closer and closer to me as we learn more information. For context, I am a mom of a 22 year old white son who plays video games. I’m also LDS. A friends daughter was there and witnessed the shooting. Other LDS friends have children that work and go to UVU and were on campus, or going towards campus. Almost the entirety of my mothers side of the family lives in Utah.
I barely knew of CKs existence before this happened. If I heard his voice, I wouldn’t recognize it. And this whole thing feels more impactful than it should be on my personal life.
I made some poor choices on social media on January 6, and I am trying to learn from them. I only posted a hotline to call if someone needed to talk to someone. I have processed my feelings on my own, or in a small Facebook group full of mostly LDS women who floored how Trump has infiltrated our religious home. I want to be a part of people coming together, and not for more division, and that is why I choose to listen to this podcast over others.
But here I am. The shooter is from my faith community. (I do not live in Utah.) I have a son that is the same age and plays video games. He voted for Harris last year so I don’t believe he is engaged in any far right anything. I find myself heartbroken for those parents. I find it horrifying that CKs wife and children were present. (Please correct me if I’m wrong about this.) I hate all of it. It should not have happened at all. I’m trying to be quiet. Sit with it.
Listening to you process it the other day was very helpful. One of the best books on relationships I’ve read (How to Hug a Porcupine by John Lund) has a part where it talks about the person we want to be. If we do something for someone, we have to do it because of who we are, not with any expectations of reciprocity, gratitude, praise, or even acknowledgement. We do it because WE are a good person. And I’m sitting with that throughout this whole thing. I will mourn him because of who I am, not because of who he was. I will mourn with the shooters parents, because of the same. I will mourn with the families who are the victims of yet another school shooting. I will vote for better gun laws in my community, and advocate for education and training for those that do own them. (We are a military family, husband recently retired. He owns a few. He has been well trained. They are in a safe. I don’t even have the key to it.)
My faith asks me to ‘mourn with those that mourn, comfort those that stand in need of comfort’ and I’m trying. And holding the awful, divisive, and violent things CK said at the same time. Both are true. We have to hold both.
Idk where to put this question, but I’m behind the world and just finished the Netflix series Adolescence. I’d been putting it off because I knew it’d be rough, but I guess after this week it felt congruent to spend time with a show about boys who aren’t okay, in large part because of the internet. It brought up a lot for me as a therapist who started my career working with men in inpatient treatment. I work with 99% women now, yes there is a good deal to unpack there.
Did S + B do a deeper conversation about this show? I’d be surprised if they didn’t, but I can’t find it.
I have been thinking about the comments regarding faith and “if they’re shot, I’m shot”. While I’m definitely empathic, that’s a pretty extreme and exhausting point of view as someone who works with folks nearing end of life. I think I understand the sentiment behind it, and it feels like an over statement.
Do you know how many people are victims of violence daily?
Just considering gun violence, 125 people are killed daily in the U.S. on average and 324 total are injured DAILY.
With the numbers, it feels maybe disingenuous to have feelings about one person when hundreds are impacted daily.
I understand that this was someone many people knew. And his life is no more valuable than anyone else’s life.
We react to celebrities and overlook our “neighbors”.
Guns are the problem. Every time. 324 people on average PER DAY.
That’s 118,260 annually injured or killed by gun violence alone in this country.
I can’t take in that number and say that if they are shot, I’m shot. I think I’d fall apart. I can empathize and fight for better. We all deserve better.
I’m in Utah, my son will attend UVU next fall and I am grieving on so many levels: for Charlie Kirk’s family, for the students who witnessed an unthinkable thing, and the family of the shooter who made an impossible choice.
I read this letter to the shooter father today and thought I would share. Grace will get us through
Dear Mr. Robinson,
I don’t know you, but I know what you did. And I need you to hear this:
You made one of the hardest choices a parent could ever face.
You chose truth over protection. Accountability over silence.
You turned in your own son—not out of cruelty, but out of integrity.
And I can’t stop thinking about the cost of that.
I imagine the moment you recognized him.
The breath leaving your body.
The ache that settled in your bones.
The war between love and justice playing out in real time.
You didn’t run. You didn’t hide.
You acted.
And in doing so, you prevented more chaos.
You gave the country clarity when it was drowning in speculation.
You reminded us that justice isn’t just a system—it’s a choice.
A brutal, soul-rending choice.
I don’t know what your days look like now.
I imagine grief. Shame. Anger.
But I also imagine love.
Because only love could have made that call.
Only love could have said, “This ends here.”
You didn’t fail as a father.
You showed us what fatherhood looks like when it’s forged in fire.
You showed us what it means to hold the line—even when it breaks your heart.
I’m grieving for Charlie Kirk’s family.
I’m grieving for yours, too.
And I’m holding space for the kind of clarity you modeled—because it’s rare, and it matters.
Thank you for choosing truth.
Even when it cost you everything.
I really appreciate you putting out this episode.I work at a local tv station so we had the breaking news on all day making things feel even more emotional and chaotic. Even more heartbreaking is when breaking news of a shooting is interrupted by breaking news of school shooting.
And when I asked to my teens if they knew about the shooting I was a little shocked to learn how well they knew Charlie Kirk and his viral TikTok videos. My 16 year old even said he really liked watching his debates and saw him as a smart guy even if he didn't agree with everything he said. And sadly my teens witnessed his assassination online. As a parent, this feels like all new territory and I'm not sure how to navigate it.
I'm always so grateful for your thoughts on very difficult topics. In talking about the Venezuelan ship, all I could think about is Michael Connelly's character Harry Bosch, who in the books always says everyone matters or no one matters. To me, the ideals of America mean everyone matters.
What I meant to add before posting was - thank you for making this space for processing and healing. It means the world to me.
I have so many feelings about this. Charlie Kirk said many abhorrent things and caused real, terrible harm, and also he was still a human who should not have been shot. I wish we could take this moment to say yeah, we need to take a step back here. Instead the President is talking about giving him a medal of honor and listing off only Republican targets of political violence. It's hurting me in a way that's surprising me... I thought I was past being shocked by his discourse. I'm finding myself resonating with the content that's like - ALL of these people are humans with lives and families who matter and should be granted safety and dignity... Democrats, Republicans, immigrants, kids, the people on the Venezuelan boat, poor people, wealthy people. We have to find a way to re-embrace humanity.
Appreciating Governor Cox - To my young friends out there: you are inheriting a country where politics feels like rage. It feels like rage is the only option,” he said. “But through those words we have a reminder that we can choose a different path. Your generation has an opportunity to build a culture that is very different than what we are suffering through right now. Not by pretending differences don’t matter, but by embracing our differences and having those hard conversations.
Beth, I am not a religious person, in fact would likely label myself an atheist, but your words really hit …. When anyone else is shot, so am I. And when someone pulls the trigger, so do I. Because my brokenness is in the world and it is in me.
We are all interconnected, and would be so much better served if we realized this and treated one another accordingly 💛
The only thing I can say that seems to be a common ground on this is "radicalization is a tragedy, full stop"
And I wish that was the narrative around all these senseless acts.
I’m feeling a little terrified about violence that will follow this. I drove past UVU today for a work conference. On my drive home I saw two cop cars pulling over two cars. One of the cars had a college age guy in it and the back windshield said “fuck you liberals RIP Charlie.” There were also tons of news and cameras out recording at the campus.
Love you both. This episode is a perfect example of why I subscribe. Your voices in my feed bring me peace.
This killing is horrifying, as is all of the violence we’re seeing in this country. Also, Charlie Kirk had horrifying views. Both of those things can be true and it’s ok to say so. The one two punch of this violent act combined with him immediately being turned into a martyr (flags at half mast? Why?) really has my head spinning. My social media is pretty curated so I haven’t seen anyone either celebrating his death or comparing him to Jesus, which I’m glad of. I appreciated this episode. I worked hard to stay mostly offline yesterday and didn’t even listen to my podcasts at all as I needed some space to breathe and process. I was ready to listen today and was glad to hear from you both.
I am struggling. To survive the Trump MAGA years I won't lie - I have cut most of those people out of my life. That is not to say I don't have Republicans in my life. I have some MAGA family members still in my life and in my social network but they do not post all the terrible things they think and that allows me keep sane and when we visit we simply don't talk politics. Charlie Kirk dying has been a red flag of how many Christian Nationalists I have in my life and it's really overwhelming. They are comparing his death to Jesus Christ. To which I moan, Jesus Christ! I'm not even religious any longer and that disgusts me. Not just because it's Charlie Kirk, but no one is Jesus Christ! I am struggling to want to keep community with these people at all. I mean I get it, this will pass and most people will go back to posting about their kids or whatever but I can't unsee these things. I can't unread these things. I just "wish" they didn't say/type them. I know people in my life don't see my perspective on abortion and maybe to them they can't unsee my words on that either. I don't mind because I am passionate about my belief in a woman's right to her autonomy. And then I think, are they that proud and passionate about their stances around Charlie Kirk? Do they truly believe this man who said so many hateful awful things is truly a man of God? Worse, did they too, like the things Charlie said? Are they in a fever swamp and can't see what they are doing? Am I too sensitive? -- And if they truly like that Charlie Kirk yelling what is in their heart, how do I or better yet WHY do I keep these people in my orbit? I don't want to think in a vacuum. I like people who challenge my thoughts, varying backgrounds, processes, etc - but I do not like people who challenge my heart. I don't know. I'll end it with where I began, I am struggling.
I feel your struggle. I'm thinking a lot about what kind of vacuum Kirk and others (good, bad, and otherwise) are stepping into for people. The intensity of emotion -- it just makes me think that we are maybe starving for more mentors and leaders in our social circles and communities.
This. I’m feeling this.
Thank you for doing this episode. I've been trying to process in the pockets of my day where I have some quiet. I have refrained from saying anything about this publicly or even to friends and family because I'm having a hard time figuring out how I feel. And honestly, nothing I can say will do much good. This episode helped me process a bit more. My first thought after I heard the news was "shit, this isn't going to end well" followed by the complex feelings that many are expressing here. Violence never ends well and no one deserves to have their life ended at the hands of another human. I can both see the humanity in someone, and acknowledge that they don't deserve to be killed, while also not mourning or memorializing them. I feel for his wife and children. My spouse is currently deployed overseas - as he has been many times before. I've often had to sit with the fact that he could not come home and my children would be left without a father. I don't want that for anyone. I also feel for those who have been hurt by his actions and the spread of his ideals. I can see us as a society struggling to live in the grey and I fear it is only getting worse.