Birth Rates, Marriage, and the Lie That You Have to Earn the Life You Want
On why we've turned family into a luxury good, plus gerrymandering, Iran, and Mother's Day
This weekend, my daughter, Ellen, was an extra (an extremely adorable giraffe) in a production of Children of Eden. The most advanced students at her arts studio performed and were incredible. I didn’t know the show, so I did not expect to sob through most of the second performance (I had to get my bearings at 1:00; the waterworks came at 7:00).
The first act begins at the beginning of Genesis and takes us through the end of Adam’s and Eve’s life. Act II is the story of Noah and the Ark. These are stories I grew up with, presented in ways that provoked completely new interpretations and emotions in me. Without dragging you into a theological workshop processing this show (which I neeeeeeddddd), I left the theater thinking that maybe these stories are about what it takes to be part of a family: the excruciating choices, the loss, the willingness to look for joy in expected places when the world tells you it’s cliche.
There’s been a barrage of reporting for the past several years about falling birth rates, fewer people getting married, a “sex recession,” and a general macro-sense that the family is no longer the center of life. This is not something I lose sleep over, but I’m interested in the fact that countries across the world–western and eastern, wealthy and impoverished, individualistic and collectivist–are seeing similar trends. These countries are bringing a diverse array of policy tools to the table, and they aren’t making a demographic dent. All of that makes me wonder whether this is a policy issue at all and what thread is running through disparate cultures to cause this shift.
You’ll hear me searching for words today. I feel uncertainty about the topic. I feel intense emotions about my own family. I feel acute awareness that everyone else does, too.
Near the end of Children of Eden, Noah sings:
“And it’s only in Eden grows a rose without a thorn
And your children start to leave you
On the day that they were born
They will leave you there to cheer for them
They will leave you there to mourn ever so
Like an ark on uncharted seas their lives will be tossed
And the deeper is your love for them
The crueler is the cost
And just when they start to find themselves
Is when you fear they’re lost”
The only thing I know for sure is that I find tremendous purpose in my attachments. Whatever else you think about today's discussion, I hope that’s a thread that runs through this community. - Beth
Topics Discussed
Gerrymandering Battles in Virginia and Tennessee
Iran and Ukraine Challenge Our Assumptions of Winning and Losing in Modern Warfare
Demographics and the Luxury of Family
Outside of Politics: Mother’s Day and Celebrating our Villages
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Episode Resources
Pantsuit Politics Resources
Episode Topic Resources
Two Ways Out of the Gerrymander Trap (Pantsuit Politics)
Why So Few Babies? We Might Have Overlooked the Biggest Reason of All. (The New York Times)
The Religion of Workism Is Making Americans Miserable (The Atlantic)
Episode Transcript
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That was a fantabulous, super sized episode! Thank you. Isn't AI going to make all humans irrelevant? But seriously, both of you are phenomenal moms (sometimes you gift us with their input - proof beyond your sharing). I wanted to be a mother and a trial attorney. Mother more than anything though. When I took the LSATS in 1989 my father's female partner (trial lawyer) had just had her first child. She was out for 6 weeks of maternity leave (unpaid back then), went back to work for 3 months and resigned. I never even applied for law school, went to work after college, and only now wish I could practice law. I wouldn't trade a single moment of being a mom and it's a privilege I will have for the rest of our lives. My kids (32 & 29) are incredible adults. The best is yet to come for both of you. I'd like some grands now! Love PP. Thank you.