The Exhale

The problems we ignore don't go away

A Note from Maggie

On Thursday’s Spicy episode of Pantsuit Politics, Sarah and Beth discussed their pull to people, community, and gathering as a way to stay grounded during all of this.

I have also felt that tug and am a few weeks into a basic obedience training class that I’m taking with my daughters (and our two dogs, it’s for the dogs…obviously).

I would not have thought that basic obedience class was a deeply political place, but, as it turns out, gathering with a bunch of people, their dogs, and learning follow rules in the week after Donald Trump comes back into office has had some useful lessons that in the midst of everything, are holding me on the ground the week.

Ready to do our best!

1. You aren’t going to be good at something you don’t know how to do
   I am an A+ kind of student. And I love dogs, specifically my dogs. But love and being good at other things doesn’t make me good at dog training (yet!!), which is why I am taking a class where someone can teach me how to do it.
   
   I have sat with many thoughts including “Maybe this isn’t for me” “Maybe the way we are is just fine” “If I quit now, then I don’t have to face the fact that my dog is a menace.” (which, to my ear, sounds a lot like “you know, I’m just going to check out of politics for the next for years).
   
   But, my dog is a (sweet and loveable) menace whether I go to dog training class or not. And having two dogs in my home is a lot more than one. So, we’re going to endure some embarrassing moments at obedience class (and realize that those moments don’t kill us).
   
   We have plenty of problems in America where we’ve collectively said “that’s hard and fixing it is going to be awful” (oh, hello social security, medicare, climate catastrophe), but the problems don’t go away because we aren’t dealing with them.

   

   He wasn’t eating the dishtowel. He was framed.

2. You don’t overcome your triggers by avoiding them

   I recognize that I am talking about dogs here. And I’m working with a professional (which is helpful advice for humans who have triggering experiences that they need to overcome).
   
   But I think our dogs have a lot to teach us (which is why dog reels, dog books, and dog movies are so popular…with me at least). With my last dog, I avoided cats at all costs. And…over time, they became more triggering to my dog and, as it turns out, to me. This means that now my new dogs are also triggered by cats.
   
   As it turns out, avoiding all cats is neither practical nor effective. What I’m learning (in my second time through basic obedience) is that I need to find a distance around cats (or squirrels or mail carriers) at which my dog can remain calm. Will there be times when a cat is perched on a fence in the dark and hisses at you like some kind of nightmare panther? Yes. Will you freak out when that happens? Probably. But you try again, and it gets easier.

   

   We can do this together

3. Socialization Starts with being around others
   I thought socializing my dog meant that we interacted and played with other dogs. But it turns out that that is step twenty in socialization (which reminds me of another point, which is that we don’t get to skip to the step in the process we would like to be on, we have to start where we are). The first step to socialization for a dog is just getting them used to being around other dogs without starting a howl.
   
   This seems relevant to politics because most of us are used to avoiding politics (and difficult conversations) at all costs (or, be honest, we checked out a little because we liked the last guy who was in office), and we’re out of practice. We need to get comfortable with some of the discomfort. We don’t need to be ready to run for office, choose the next party leader, or debate the finer points of policy. Most of us just need to get used to being around politics. (But if you’re ready to run for office, by all means, RUN!)

   

   I will bring you this toy over and over and over again

4. Telling your dog what you want them to do is more effective than telling them what you don’t want them to do.
   I don’t know that this is a particularly political idea for most of us, but I do think it’s useful to remember that naming what is good, what is positive, what is working, what we want, and giving yourself a direction to go towards is more clear and effective than just saying “no” to everything you don’t like.

   

   Are we there yet?

5. It would be easier to do this by myself, but I still have to live with the other people
   There is a proverb¹ that says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
   
   This is my second time taking this basic obedience class with my dogs and kids. Part of the reason we had to go back to square one is that my kids are doing the class with me.
   
   It takes longer to get everyone on board with commands, training, rewards, and follow through. It takes longer for everyone to be able to walk the dogs. It is harder this way.
   
   But…I live in a house with all these people, and we all need to have a good relationship with our pets (especially if I don’t want to develop a martyr complex about how I’m the “only one who ever does anything with the dogs”). So, we’re leaning into the suck and all learning together. Even though it’s harder (right now) to do it this way.
   

I know that so many of you have been personally affected by something in the headlines this week. I hope that you find some room to exhale, put your feet on the ground, and know that we are thinking of you and for better and worse, we are all in this together.

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Something Nice to Take You Into the Weekend

We were so grateful to Greg Landsman for really being willing to go deep into the weeds with us in our White Board episode this week. We want to continue to have hard and wide ranging conversations about what the future looks like for the Democratic Party and appreciate him leading the way.

AND if you’d like to SEE Representative Landsman’s review of the Skyline Chili Graeter’s ice cream, you can check it out here.

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What We’re Reading and Listening To This Week

• Sarah: Sarah is reading so much that she has a whole substack devoted to her 2025 Slow Reads.

  My 2025 Reading Projects

• Beth: Something Extraordinary Is Happening All Over the World (New York Times) This is part of the Great Migration series exploring how people are moving around the world today

• Alise: Ministry of Time by Kaliane Bradley

• Maggie: Your Money Map Show with Jean Chatzky (Protected Lifetime Income) note: this is a personal finance show, but it included such a helpful explanation about why we have inflation and some of the fundamentals of the economy that I thought were presented in an accessible way that I wanted to share

• Habits of the Heart - don’t forget part 1 of our 2025 Slow Read of Habits of the Heart has started and our first conversation with be February 26.

  Habits of the Heart Slow Read

• Coming Soon: Our friend and host of the podcast Mastering the Room and

  Casey Burgat
  has a new book coming out next week that we wanted to share with you:

  

  Scared? Pissed? Exhausted? Yeah, me too. But, we didn’t get to where we are politically by accident. The dysfunction we see today—presidential power grabs, institutions undermined, checks and balances ignored—didn’t just appear overnight. They are the inevitable consequences of the political myths we’ve told--and been told--for generations. Myths like the idea that the Founders designed a system that could withstand anything, that the media is the sole driver of our divisions, or that one election one president can "fix" everything. These myths aren't just harmless misunderstandings; they are actively distorting our ability to govern ourselves, fueling our cynicism, and making meaningful reform nearly impossible. And now, as we enter yet another Trump administration, these myths are more than just intellectual exercises—they are playing out in real time, in our courts, in our Congress, and in our everyday lives. This book is my attempt to cut through the noise, to expose these myths for what they are, and to arm readers with the clarity and urgency we need to move forward before we entrench ourselves too deeply to ever escape.

  Casey Burgat is a former congressional staffer turned professor of legislative affairs at George Washington University. He is the author of We Hold These "Truths": How to Spot the Myths that are Holding America Back (Authors Equity), which examines common misconceptions about American Democracy and their impact on contemporary political discourse. Connect with him over at his substack, Crash Course.

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1. I am already horrendously late in sending this out, but there is a real rabbit hole available to you if you’d like to figure out the proper attribution of this quote