Ohmygoodness! Kristen is all of us! But I have a story to share that exemplifies Beth is right in her response. On Halloween, we met the family down the street who has a little girl who is three months younger than our 2 year old. At first I was embarrassed because how did I not know that there was a fellow toddler mom RIGHT HERE four houses down??? But delight overshadowed my embarrassment and we exchanged good intentions about our girls being friends…but we did not exchange phone numbers because I had a pumpkin pulling on my arm. Then holidays and winter happen, and my embarrassment returns. Why haven’t I managed to walk down to my neighbor’s house and leave my phone number so we could actually make a plan??? Because I’m holding everything together with dry shampoo and Diet Coke…that’s why.
Which brings us to yesterday…a decent early spring day. I was working in the yard while my husband was sick in bed with a man-cold (his words, not mine) and my kiddo napped. The mama and daughter I met on Halloween were taking a lap up and down the street. We exchanged hellos, and even though I knew I wanted this opportunity to connect, I almost talked myself out of friendliness. I can’t explain why I was anxious…I’m an extrovert, and I was just asking someone to stop by and play bubbles on the porch. This shouldn’t be hard. But I WAS anxious!
Luckily Beth and Sarah have been working on me too, and I knew I wanted this chance to connect. I want to know my neighbors. I want my daughter to be able to play with the little girl down the street. I want to be a friendly and welcoming person. I want to share our space…even if it’s a little messy and imperfect. So I told them that when my daughter woke up, we’d probably be outside playing with bubbles, and they should join us. They did, and it was a delight.
I share that story because I want everyone to know that we are all hard on ourselves about this kind of thing, and I’m learning that hospitality is a practice…one that gets easier the more we reps we put in. Thank you, Kristen, for leaning in with your question, and thank you, Beth, for being our guide through life.
I'm on the other end nearing 60 and my twins are graduating from college in May. I hear you. I remember those days when I was your age with two young children, and I'm an introvert. This was during the boom of online forums, and I joined a twin mom's group online in 2002 when my kids were born with moms from all over the country and even Canada. Our group is still together! I can't believe it's been 23 years. In 2003, we started taking trips once a year. They helped me through much of the childhood years. Even now, we're navigating becoming empty nesters. Somewhere along the way, we kind of lost the twin mom moniker and just became friends. I also had a local twin mom group that I became a part of for a short time as well, but if you can't devote time in person, I'm sure there are online communities as well. I also made a friend in my neighborhood who at kids around the same age. This is when they were toddlers. We would watch each other's kids every week in order to run errands and each of us got a part-time job for some "me" time, lol. It turned into a wonderful relationship until I moved away, and I remember thinking I was never going to find another neighbor like her.
It's funny, though, as I was reading Kristen's message, I was thinking that I'm there again, but now at almost 59, I don't want to leave my house much. I'm not sure if it's because I'm getting older, even more introverted, if it's the state of the country, or if it's because of my autoimmune issues as well, but it's HARD. I really feel for you! It's hard to muster up the energy to put yourself out there, but just start with one person, one online group, and see where it goes.
When I was a young mom, a local moms club completely changed my life and my approach to motherhood. It created a community that I rely on even as my kids grow older.
I have so many feelings about this post. We’re British but had our babies while we were living in The Netherlands. I’m so grateful for that because there was an international community, all of us looking out for one another and we were seemingly much more conscious that we needed each other as family. I met my (to be) best friend in a lift (elevator) because someone in the international community told me a British family lived in our apartment block and she kind of looked British. The fact I asked her if her name was Beverley and the fact she answered was absolutely un-British!
My son and his girlfriend moved to Seattle in recent months and before they could get their bearings and form any community, he lost his job with the massive Blue Origin lay off, and in the same 24 hours she found out she has breast cancer. They have zero community. People tell me they know someone up there and will reach out. But, I ask myself, do we actually ever do that? Would I? Let strangers into our busy lives and help out. It seems so risky. As far as I know, no one in their apartment block has any idea what they’re going through and have probably not looked hard enough to realise she has short hair now.
Thank you to those who have been brave enough to form community. And if you live in the Airmark aprartment block in Tukwila, say hi to your neighbours in the elevator! They’re not asking for anything. Indeed they’ve been brilliant. But a smile and a hello goes a long way. And you never know where it might lead!!
Oof. I just left Seattle, primarily because it was so hard to build, and then maintain, community there. I don't know what Tukwila is like, but in Seattle it's practically a daily job to build or get into a community. In our first neighborhood, neighbors didn't want to answer the door when I showed up with a plate of cookies to introduce myself. In my second neighborhood, the design of the townhouses made it easy to ignore the people around you, and neighbors did just that. The Seattle Freeze is real.
The only way I found to thaw that Freeze was to approach my neighbors directly, and to find allies. An older neighbor in the townhouse community had a mailing list and a determination to join in the city-wide block party event every August. I helped her cajole new neighbors into joining the mailing list and to co-host the neighborhood block party. My husband and I hosted that block party in our driveway and garden for nine years, and together with a couple involved neighbors we created a community that newcomers told us was the most welcoming one they had encountered in their time living in the Puget Sound area. It took WORK, especially when the other one or two involved neighbors left. Then COVID hit, city policies encouraged drug crime in our neighborhood, and everything unraveled. A handful of people in the greater community tried to get a block watch together, tried to get the community active through a newsletter, but it was just crickets. People are very happy with community building when someone else is doing the work. I was working so hard, along with the remnants of a community organization that had been decimated by the pandemic, to bring neighbors together for fun and for keeping our community safe -- and I was feeling more lonely and isolated than ever.
Others here have mentioned having friends scattered far away and how they need to develop a near community. Well, we turned to our scattered friends for community instead. We job searched near friends across the country, and now we are in a hotel in Maryland waiting to move into a rental. We have the support of friends in DC, Maryland, and Virginia (the DMV!) as we start our new Mid-Atlantic lives, and I am so excited to be here!
I know your son and DIL are probably not feeling the energy to reach out, but that's really the only way in a place like the PNW. For whatever reason, folks there just like to keep to themselves. They make lovely friends once you break through, but you have to work to get in. As I told my neighbors when they were stressed with the drug crime in our area: Go borrow sugar from a neighbor. Stop by with a plate of cookies; their resistance will thaw, it will be worth the discomfort. And start sending resumes to other cities, beyond the PNW.
I have a friend that is a close friend now, but we met through another friend. We got close because we met at a friend's party and realized during the course of small talk that we were both into native plants/gardening. We kept seeing each other at this mutual friend's functions, but one day she texted me and said, "Want to go to a native plant sale?" We bought more plants than we should have, had lunch together afterwards, started consulting each other on yard projects, and now have become really good friends. We hosted her wedding at our house a year and a half ago. We visited her husband in Croatia when he was doing study abroad there last year. "Wanna go to a plant sale" had the potential to be really awkward, but in this case it turned out to be pretty great. I think two things contributed to our relationship going from acquaintances to friends: 1) We kept seeing each other at semi-regular intervals. I've moved cross-country three times and each time I've made friends it's with people I see semi-regularly. When my kids were very little, it was in passing at piano or gymnastics drop off. When my kids were bigger, it was seeing the same people at a neighborhood book club, for example. Usually at some point you exchange numbers with someone for some banal reason (sharing the link to a recipe, joining the book club group chat, etc.) and then you are either invited to something else or invite that person to something. Think of it like a first date. Sometimes you go through a few really bad coffees or playdates before you click with someone, but usually you've seen a person a few times and think to yourself, I should get to know them better. 2) We did a thing together. The plant sale turned into me offering to help her work on a yard project she was planning and then she came over to help me with a yard project the following week. (We had to *do* something with all those plants we bought, right?) We traded labor. We asked each other for help. This hasn't always worked out for me, but in this case it did. I've been both turned down when I offered help and had people flake out or just be a really bad fit when I've accepted help. There is some risk involved, but that's people and relationships, right? I should also mention that there's a 13 year age gap between us. She's childless by choice and I have three teens/young adults. Sometimes those friends that you make won't exactly line up with your specific demographic. You've got to go into every social situation thinking that any one person there, even if they're not at your age or stage in life (maybe especially if they aren't?), is fair game and has the potential to be a new good friend. Best of luck! I know it's hard, but just crowd-sourcing ideas for meeting new friends is a great start. You're already doing the work. :)
I have felt compelled to focus on building community where I live too as I feel that it's lacking. I agree that we have to take risks to do it. Sometimes, I reach out to people I don't really know that well and just ask to grab coffee or go for a hike (that's my favorite). It's been a great way to connect. While it takes some time, I started writing a hyperlocal community newsletter (right here on Substack actually) to help those of us with similar interests find each other. It's been a great way to connect with others in the community.
Thanks for the book/newsletter recs. I ordered a one and got a couple from my library. 💛
Kristen, I am on the other side of life, nearing 70 (don’t feel or think like it 😂). I’ve been where you are. Transferred a lot for my husband’s jobs. No money and no friends. Hello is a good start. It is awkward and doesn’t work every time. Have courage and try! Start small, the park in your neighborhood, those who live near you and maybe a Mom’s group. Also, if is getting to DC is doable, there are lots of fun and free things to do in DC. Also learn to find peace in the solitude. It will serve you well in the future. Before you know it you will have a little one in school. Then you will make tons of friends.
I feel Kristin’s pain but, obviously, in my own way. I’ve moved several times and as someone who finds it easy to start conversations with others - in fact, I’ve often said to others that I was interested in getting to know better, “it’s super awkward to try and make friends as an adult, but I’ve really enjoyed talking to you. Would you be interested in grabbing a coffee or doing something simple some time?” However, last year, I left a town where I had an amazing community to take a chance in making my dream yo live in a floating house in a lake come true. I assumed that, like all of my previous moves, I would find my people easily and quickly. I was wrong.
There have been some extenuating circumstances. The lake is in a very remote area. To get to the closest town is a 30 min drive. In addition, I lost my job a month after moving and when the business shut down, I was owed thousands of dollars which put me in a financially challenging situation - aka budget didn’t allow for extra gas money to go to places/events even if they were free.
I’m finally seeing some light at the end of a tunnel, but it’s been a hard 7 months. Lots of tears cried. I have found that it’s been really important and invaluable for me to work at maintaining my existing friendships. I have been writing letters to different people weekly. I share Wordle with several daily. I touch base with 2 others daily, just to say good morning and to share what we’re doing for the day. I have regular FaceTime calls set up. I Marco Polo others regularly. It all adds up.
Kristin, I truly hope you find your way to find your community. It truly makes a difference.
Long time fan here, who like Kristin lives in the DC area (northern VA). If she does, too, I'd encourage Kristin to reach out to my wife and me to discuss anything she likes (likely starting with Pantsuit Politics). For YOUR reference, please remind Sarah that a few years ago at Arches National Park (waiting for pie, as I recall hearing), Sarah met my wife, Audrey, and our adult daughter, who was on a job change break. Audrey is how I learned of your podcast. Keep up the good fight!
This is all meeting the moment for me, and while I still have so many questions, a thing I've been leaning into is separating the idea of friends and community. I have very good friends. And they are scattered all over the country. Our group texts and once-every-so-often gatherings are some of the best things in my life, but those people can't show up on a whim when I have a sick family member or a natural disaster takes out power for a week or my husband and I need a date night.
The people on my cul-de-sac don't know the ins and outs of everything I think and feel. They don't know my family history. They may not even be able to tell you what my last name is. Yet we're also doing life together. My husband and I have gotten pretty heavy-handed with our neighbors - WE WILL BE A COMMUNITY, DANG IT. Food and favors will be exchanged, and yes I know we're all busy but we are going to delay dinner for the sake of a having a conversation or letting our kids play longer.
After putting in the time for a year or two, we could feel it paying off. People responded and we're all getting more comfortable and that would not have happened if I had waited around to feel certain my neighbors wanted me to be neighborly. (And I should note, this is all pretty counter to my personality, but Beth convinced me to take the risk in her many small words of encouragement in this podcast!) It's not perfect, but it's something good, adds value to our life, and has me considering other areas of my life where we can do the same.
I’ve asked them to at least move to places close to each other but they haven’t complied 😆
So I actually love splitting the community and friends
I actually wonder if I won’t be more like to make a friend if I’m not putting the pressure on myself to already be in the friend zone before being actively pursuing and engaging in community
I meant to say seven living children. I have 16 grandchildren; some are biological, and bonus kids is what I call them because they came into our life and we are blessed by them
Kristin, I have seven living grandchildren ranging from 48 years to 24 years I love that time I felt like I was doing it on my own, which is the truth, but I know not my age that if I could take back some of the time that I wasted not spending time together, especially when they’re small, even though we don’t do it right, nobody has a set recipe on how to parent every child’s different and they see parents as different parents each one of them I would say spend time playing . board games go to the park have a play dates but always put yourself in timeout when needed . it spend quality time not quantity other than that. All I can say is I wish there was more hours in the day.♥️🤗
Kristin, I’ve found that it helps to think smaller when approaching the “love, treasure, never forget” matrix. Something you love can be playing your favorite song, finding ten minutes to read or have a cup of tea, etc. Something you treasure could be an individual experience with one of your kids…a nature walk in the neighborhood, a tea party, drawing/painting/cooking together. And something you’ll never forget might be writing down the memories of some of these seemingly small adventures or taking a few minutes to sit and drink in what’s happening around you - in your yard, when your kids are playing together, an evening on the couch with your husband. You’re in a challenging season of life right now but at some point it’ll be in the rear view mirror and different things will bring you joy. Right now has plenty to love about it too!
Ohmygoodness! Kristen is all of us! But I have a story to share that exemplifies Beth is right in her response. On Halloween, we met the family down the street who has a little girl who is three months younger than our 2 year old. At first I was embarrassed because how did I not know that there was a fellow toddler mom RIGHT HERE four houses down??? But delight overshadowed my embarrassment and we exchanged good intentions about our girls being friends…but we did not exchange phone numbers because I had a pumpkin pulling on my arm. Then holidays and winter happen, and my embarrassment returns. Why haven’t I managed to walk down to my neighbor’s house and leave my phone number so we could actually make a plan??? Because I’m holding everything together with dry shampoo and Diet Coke…that’s why.
Which brings us to yesterday…a decent early spring day. I was working in the yard while my husband was sick in bed with a man-cold (his words, not mine) and my kiddo napped. The mama and daughter I met on Halloween were taking a lap up and down the street. We exchanged hellos, and even though I knew I wanted this opportunity to connect, I almost talked myself out of friendliness. I can’t explain why I was anxious…I’m an extrovert, and I was just asking someone to stop by and play bubbles on the porch. This shouldn’t be hard. But I WAS anxious!
Luckily Beth and Sarah have been working on me too, and I knew I wanted this chance to connect. I want to know my neighbors. I want my daughter to be able to play with the little girl down the street. I want to be a friendly and welcoming person. I want to share our space…even if it’s a little messy and imperfect. So I told them that when my daughter woke up, we’d probably be outside playing with bubbles, and they should join us. They did, and it was a delight.
I share that story because I want everyone to know that we are all hard on ourselves about this kind of thing, and I’m learning that hospitality is a practice…one that gets easier the more we reps we put in. Thank you, Kristen, for leaning in with your question, and thank you, Beth, for being our guide through life.
I'm on the other end nearing 60 and my twins are graduating from college in May. I hear you. I remember those days when I was your age with two young children, and I'm an introvert. This was during the boom of online forums, and I joined a twin mom's group online in 2002 when my kids were born with moms from all over the country and even Canada. Our group is still together! I can't believe it's been 23 years. In 2003, we started taking trips once a year. They helped me through much of the childhood years. Even now, we're navigating becoming empty nesters. Somewhere along the way, we kind of lost the twin mom moniker and just became friends. I also had a local twin mom group that I became a part of for a short time as well, but if you can't devote time in person, I'm sure there are online communities as well. I also made a friend in my neighborhood who at kids around the same age. This is when they were toddlers. We would watch each other's kids every week in order to run errands and each of us got a part-time job for some "me" time, lol. It turned into a wonderful relationship until I moved away, and I remember thinking I was never going to find another neighbor like her.
It's funny, though, as I was reading Kristen's message, I was thinking that I'm there again, but now at almost 59, I don't want to leave my house much. I'm not sure if it's because I'm getting older, even more introverted, if it's the state of the country, or if it's because of my autoimmune issues as well, but it's HARD. I really feel for you! It's hard to muster up the energy to put yourself out there, but just start with one person, one online group, and see where it goes.
When I was a young mom, a local moms club completely changed my life and my approach to motherhood. It created a community that I rely on even as my kids grow older.
I have so many feelings about this post. We’re British but had our babies while we were living in The Netherlands. I’m so grateful for that because there was an international community, all of us looking out for one another and we were seemingly much more conscious that we needed each other as family. I met my (to be) best friend in a lift (elevator) because someone in the international community told me a British family lived in our apartment block and she kind of looked British. The fact I asked her if her name was Beverley and the fact she answered was absolutely un-British!
My son and his girlfriend moved to Seattle in recent months and before they could get their bearings and form any community, he lost his job with the massive Blue Origin lay off, and in the same 24 hours she found out she has breast cancer. They have zero community. People tell me they know someone up there and will reach out. But, I ask myself, do we actually ever do that? Would I? Let strangers into our busy lives and help out. It seems so risky. As far as I know, no one in their apartment block has any idea what they’re going through and have probably not looked hard enough to realise she has short hair now.
Thank you to those who have been brave enough to form community. And if you live in the Airmark aprartment block in Tukwila, say hi to your neighbours in the elevator! They’re not asking for anything. Indeed they’ve been brilliant. But a smile and a hello goes a long way. And you never know where it might lead!!
Oof. I just left Seattle, primarily because it was so hard to build, and then maintain, community there. I don't know what Tukwila is like, but in Seattle it's practically a daily job to build or get into a community. In our first neighborhood, neighbors didn't want to answer the door when I showed up with a plate of cookies to introduce myself. In my second neighborhood, the design of the townhouses made it easy to ignore the people around you, and neighbors did just that. The Seattle Freeze is real.
The only way I found to thaw that Freeze was to approach my neighbors directly, and to find allies. An older neighbor in the townhouse community had a mailing list and a determination to join in the city-wide block party event every August. I helped her cajole new neighbors into joining the mailing list and to co-host the neighborhood block party. My husband and I hosted that block party in our driveway and garden for nine years, and together with a couple involved neighbors we created a community that newcomers told us was the most welcoming one they had encountered in their time living in the Puget Sound area. It took WORK, especially when the other one or two involved neighbors left. Then COVID hit, city policies encouraged drug crime in our neighborhood, and everything unraveled. A handful of people in the greater community tried to get a block watch together, tried to get the community active through a newsletter, but it was just crickets. People are very happy with community building when someone else is doing the work. I was working so hard, along with the remnants of a community organization that had been decimated by the pandemic, to bring neighbors together for fun and for keeping our community safe -- and I was feeling more lonely and isolated than ever.
Others here have mentioned having friends scattered far away and how they need to develop a near community. Well, we turned to our scattered friends for community instead. We job searched near friends across the country, and now we are in a hotel in Maryland waiting to move into a rental. We have the support of friends in DC, Maryland, and Virginia (the DMV!) as we start our new Mid-Atlantic lives, and I am so excited to be here!
I know your son and DIL are probably not feeling the energy to reach out, but that's really the only way in a place like the PNW. For whatever reason, folks there just like to keep to themselves. They make lovely friends once you break through, but you have to work to get in. As I told my neighbors when they were stressed with the drug crime in our area: Go borrow sugar from a neighbor. Stop by with a plate of cookies; their resistance will thaw, it will be worth the discomfort. And start sending resumes to other cities, beyond the PNW.
I have a friend that is a close friend now, but we met through another friend. We got close because we met at a friend's party and realized during the course of small talk that we were both into native plants/gardening. We kept seeing each other at this mutual friend's functions, but one day she texted me and said, "Want to go to a native plant sale?" We bought more plants than we should have, had lunch together afterwards, started consulting each other on yard projects, and now have become really good friends. We hosted her wedding at our house a year and a half ago. We visited her husband in Croatia when he was doing study abroad there last year. "Wanna go to a plant sale" had the potential to be really awkward, but in this case it turned out to be pretty great. I think two things contributed to our relationship going from acquaintances to friends: 1) We kept seeing each other at semi-regular intervals. I've moved cross-country three times and each time I've made friends it's with people I see semi-regularly. When my kids were very little, it was in passing at piano or gymnastics drop off. When my kids were bigger, it was seeing the same people at a neighborhood book club, for example. Usually at some point you exchange numbers with someone for some banal reason (sharing the link to a recipe, joining the book club group chat, etc.) and then you are either invited to something else or invite that person to something. Think of it like a first date. Sometimes you go through a few really bad coffees or playdates before you click with someone, but usually you've seen a person a few times and think to yourself, I should get to know them better. 2) We did a thing together. The plant sale turned into me offering to help her work on a yard project she was planning and then she came over to help me with a yard project the following week. (We had to *do* something with all those plants we bought, right?) We traded labor. We asked each other for help. This hasn't always worked out for me, but in this case it did. I've been both turned down when I offered help and had people flake out or just be a really bad fit when I've accepted help. There is some risk involved, but that's people and relationships, right? I should also mention that there's a 13 year age gap between us. She's childless by choice and I have three teens/young adults. Sometimes those friends that you make won't exactly line up with your specific demographic. You've got to go into every social situation thinking that any one person there, even if they're not at your age or stage in life (maybe especially if they aren't?), is fair game and has the potential to be a new good friend. Best of luck! I know it's hard, but just crowd-sourcing ideas for meeting new friends is a great start. You're already doing the work. :)
I have felt compelled to focus on building community where I live too as I feel that it's lacking. I agree that we have to take risks to do it. Sometimes, I reach out to people I don't really know that well and just ask to grab coffee or go for a hike (that's my favorite). It's been a great way to connect. While it takes some time, I started writing a hyperlocal community newsletter (right here on Substack actually) to help those of us with similar interests find each other. It's been a great way to connect with others in the community.
Thanks for the book/newsletter recs. I ordered a one and got a couple from my library. 💛
This was the exact post I needed today. Thank you!
Gosh, I needed this so much today. Thank you!
I love a walk in a cemetery. Maybe I will start there.
Kristen, I am on the other side of life, nearing 70 (don’t feel or think like it 😂). I’ve been where you are. Transferred a lot for my husband’s jobs. No money and no friends. Hello is a good start. It is awkward and doesn’t work every time. Have courage and try! Start small, the park in your neighborhood, those who live near you and maybe a Mom’s group. Also, if is getting to DC is doable, there are lots of fun and free things to do in DC. Also learn to find peace in the solitude. It will serve you well in the future. Before you know it you will have a little one in school. Then you will make tons of friends.
I feel Kristin’s pain but, obviously, in my own way. I’ve moved several times and as someone who finds it easy to start conversations with others - in fact, I’ve often said to others that I was interested in getting to know better, “it’s super awkward to try and make friends as an adult, but I’ve really enjoyed talking to you. Would you be interested in grabbing a coffee or doing something simple some time?” However, last year, I left a town where I had an amazing community to take a chance in making my dream yo live in a floating house in a lake come true. I assumed that, like all of my previous moves, I would find my people easily and quickly. I was wrong.
There have been some extenuating circumstances. The lake is in a very remote area. To get to the closest town is a 30 min drive. In addition, I lost my job a month after moving and when the business shut down, I was owed thousands of dollars which put me in a financially challenging situation - aka budget didn’t allow for extra gas money to go to places/events even if they were free.
I’m finally seeing some light at the end of a tunnel, but it’s been a hard 7 months. Lots of tears cried. I have found that it’s been really important and invaluable for me to work at maintaining my existing friendships. I have been writing letters to different people weekly. I share Wordle with several daily. I touch base with 2 others daily, just to say good morning and to share what we’re doing for the day. I have regular FaceTime calls set up. I Marco Polo others regularly. It all adds up.
Kristin, I truly hope you find your way to find your community. It truly makes a difference.
Long time fan here, who like Kristin lives in the DC area (northern VA). If she does, too, I'd encourage Kristin to reach out to my wife and me to discuss anything she likes (likely starting with Pantsuit Politics). For YOUR reference, please remind Sarah that a few years ago at Arches National Park (waiting for pie, as I recall hearing), Sarah met my wife, Audrey, and our adult daughter, who was on a job change break. Audrey is how I learned of your podcast. Keep up the good fight!
This is all meeting the moment for me, and while I still have so many questions, a thing I've been leaning into is separating the idea of friends and community. I have very good friends. And they are scattered all over the country. Our group texts and once-every-so-often gatherings are some of the best things in my life, but those people can't show up on a whim when I have a sick family member or a natural disaster takes out power for a week or my husband and I need a date night.
The people on my cul-de-sac don't know the ins and outs of everything I think and feel. They don't know my family history. They may not even be able to tell you what my last name is. Yet we're also doing life together. My husband and I have gotten pretty heavy-handed with our neighbors - WE WILL BE A COMMUNITY, DANG IT. Food and favors will be exchanged, and yes I know we're all busy but we are going to delay dinner for the sake of a having a conversation or letting our kids play longer.
After putting in the time for a year or two, we could feel it paying off. People responded and we're all getting more comfortable and that would not have happened if I had waited around to feel certain my neighbors wanted me to be neighborly. (And I should note, this is all pretty counter to my personality, but Beth convinced me to take the risk in her many small words of encouragement in this podcast!) It's not perfect, but it's something good, adds value to our life, and has me considering other areas of my life where we can do the same.
Yes so many good friends are now everywhere
I’ve asked them to at least move to places close to each other but they haven’t complied 😆
So I actually love splitting the community and friends
I actually wonder if I won’t be more like to make a friend if I’m not putting the pressure on myself to already be in the friend zone before being actively pursuing and engaging in community
Oh, that’s a really great point!
I meant to say seven living children. I have 16 grandchildren; some are biological, and bonus kids is what I call them because they came into our life and we are blessed by them
Kristin, I have seven living grandchildren ranging from 48 years to 24 years I love that time I felt like I was doing it on my own, which is the truth, but I know not my age that if I could take back some of the time that I wasted not spending time together, especially when they’re small, even though we don’t do it right, nobody has a set recipe on how to parent every child’s different and they see parents as different parents each one of them I would say spend time playing . board games go to the park have a play dates but always put yourself in timeout when needed . it spend quality time not quantity other than that. All I can say is I wish there was more hours in the day.♥️🤗
Kristin, I’ve found that it helps to think smaller when approaching the “love, treasure, never forget” matrix. Something you love can be playing your favorite song, finding ten minutes to read or have a cup of tea, etc. Something you treasure could be an individual experience with one of your kids…a nature walk in the neighborhood, a tea party, drawing/painting/cooking together. And something you’ll never forget might be writing down the memories of some of these seemingly small adventures or taking a few minutes to sit and drink in what’s happening around you - in your yard, when your kids are playing together, an evening on the couch with your husband. You’re in a challenging season of life right now but at some point it’ll be in the rear view mirror and different things will bring you joy. Right now has plenty to love about it too!