I’m so far behind on this one but I do want to note…
I came from a smaller school in a farm town in Illinois. We had casual dances every weekend. Dress up was homecoming & maybe Christmas. Formal was prom. During the summer every town had a street dance once a month. I MISS that energy.
Now I live in small town South Dakota. The only dances our high school or town have are homecoming and prom. And one of those is a joke. Homecoming schedule is:
Thursday night: coronation & bon fire (yes, on a school night)
Friday: pep rally at 11am, parade at 2, football game at 5, dance as soon as the game is over for no more than 2 hours and no dressing up allowed.
WHATT?!? Needless to say, very few kids go. Many of us have tried to get it changed to no avail. (Friday pep rally/coronation/bon fire. Saturday morning parade, afternoon game, evening dance.) It’s ridiculous.
But prom in our corner of the state is a BFD here. You would think these kids were getting married. The girls all have sleepovers the night before and then get ready together. They make nosegays (for photo ops only - dates are still expected to get corsages). There’s usually a Pinterest level variety of themed food. Matching pajamas. Some bring folks in for hair and makeup. My daughter’s group had a couple younger girls come be photographers/videographers for them. Then off to multiple locations for photo ops (where the dates finally arrive). Before dinner and then the dance. And then post prom… It. Is. Bananas.
For prom in our tiny town (entire school district of about 400, my daughter’s class will graduate roughly 35 kids) with a large population of low income folks, the event includes a grand march where parents can come watch, a catered dinner, 3 hour dance, then they bus the kids to a local attraction for post prom (go-karts, bounce houses, water slides - voted on by the kids) from midnight-3am, they bus them back and a local restaurant feeds them all breakfast and they raffle off prizes. Every senior gets something. And we’re talking tv’s, mini fridges, etc. Not little stuff! The school booster club fundraisers all year long for it. Will my daughter ever go to our prom? Unclear. Because once again we have to ruin it with a rule that your date, if not in high school, has to have graduated from our town. So her boyfriend who is a year older and from a town over wouldn’t be able to attend ours her senior year. (And we would expect them to attend his for his senior year.) Why? No rational reason ever provided. Small town living is both the best and the worst.
Anyway. I miss having dances all the time. I’m on board to bring them back for all ages!
My husband is our household financial strategist and every time he tells me something about the stock market he knows he's going to get a rant about how it's completely divorced from reality, essentially made up, and basically professional gambling. Thank you for the quote about how the stock market is acting rationally if you are measuring it by corporate profits. That added a lower level of cynicism I didn't know was available... not surprising ... just... sigh.
Re: prom and structured v. unstructured activities for kids...
What I'm hearing is that we need less structured and rigid academic activities and more structured social activities. *frantically scribbling down parenting tips for my 2 year old in 10+ years*
I remember fun, informal middle school dances and slow dances! They were predictably awkward, fraught with teen and pre-teen drama and hormones and so much fun. And we did the Electric Slide and Cupid Shuffle.
I - at 13 years old - learned the full dance for I'm a Slave 4 U by Britney Spears after it came out and had so much fun practicing and showing it off (which, in hindsight sounds terrible, but i had so much fun and spent hours learning the dance). It also saddens me that kids are not getting this experience.
Re: the Civil Rights Movement... I've been (slowly) reading the works for MLK and please consider this my official request for a Pantsuit Politics slow read for some of his collected works. I have found so much to learn and ground from these during the last year+. Strength to Love, Trumpet of Conscience, Stride Towards Freedom, and All Labor Has Dignity are short and have been prescient, grounding, accessible, but intellectually and emotionally challenging reads.
The last “dance” my 17 year old son attended was my 50th birthday party where i had a live band and an awesome Taylor Swift drag queen. He only danced because I pulled him out there. He hasn’t attended any school dances and is going to Senior prom with friends only because i am naming him. But it wasn’t always like this. As a little kid he danced all the time - at weddings and even at his sister’s “prom” we held in our backyard Covid year when she was a senior and couldn’t have a prom. But middle school (and/or Covid) changed him and he stopped being that outgoing cute kid.
I try to get my kids to do things to interact with actual humans more. One thing is if we are ordering food i make them call the restaurant and talk to a person and actual order rather than doing it online. Just something little for human to human interaction.
If any of y’all are looking for a dance outlet as an adult, may I suggest looking to see if you have a DivaDance near you? I go to classes 2-3 times a week and it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Inclusive, supportive, lovely community of people who just like to dance and move their bodies in joyful ways. (Not a sales pitch, just a passionate recommendation from someone who loves it!)
Also, if any of y’all are ever in Nashville, let me know and we’ll go line dancing at The Nashville Palace!
Adding a thought onto what Beth said about more structure and her daughters thriving in spaces like that — structure means safety to a lot of people. It says, someone thought this through so I don’t have to worry or be anxious because there’s a plan that someone cared enough about to put it in place. It does provide more freedom! I personally love knowing that there’s a person handling the backside of an activity that is not me. And hard agree on the buy-in of it all. It’s not fun unless everyone stacks hands on participating to the fullest extent — so roll your eyes at each other, kids, and then get your butts to the dance floor. En Vogue it, bebes.
Beth! Find yourself an adult Irish Dance class! I started taking Irish dance lessons 3 years ago and it is soooo awesome! Great exercise, and lots of structured interactions with your dance partners.
I agree that our national debt is a major problem. I would say, that from my perspective, no “group” of citizens is well taken care of in the US of A. I want older people to be able to retire and not live in poverty. I want babies, children, single people, married people, parents, prisoners, immigrants, everyone to be cared for, at least at a basic level to build from. I see people working physically demanding jobs, and I do not think simply increasing the retirement age is an answer. Will these people be paid better and get PTO to even enjoy a vacation during their life? Will they get healthcare coverage and paid leave to deal with health issues or injuries that come with working? The possibilities are there to improve our overall quality of life and financial situations, but I believe it will require both building up the foundation of the basics of society (education, healthcare, EMS, caregiving), and addressing the tax code.
Paused to push back on the idea that in a perfect world, we wouldn't mess with the estate tax. Nobody is entitled to an inheritance. You are entitled to an equal opportunity. That's it.
Here's a fun fact: If your parents have traditional IRAs and 401ks, you'll pay taxes on your inheritance because your parents haven't. But the rich? They don't have or need 401ks or IRAs or if they do it's a much smaller share of their portfolio. Their kids get a step-up in cost basis on the stocks and bonds that they inherit.
Am I a hypocrite? Yes I am. I got a chunk of money when my parents died. But I've lived my life expecting they'd use up what they had before they died. The best I can say for myself is it is not a life changing amount of money. I can buy a nice car when my current car finally dies. The world would be a better place if people inherited less.
Love the outside of politics! My son (just turned 13) and I were invited to a Sweet 16 for one of our youth group students. He had never been to a wedding reception, school dance, sweet 16, or bar mitzvah. He was so confused when he heard it was 4 hours 🤣🤣. He was like I can say happy birthday in 5 minutes. Well we went and he had the time of his life. It was a big one with 120 people and loads of fun dancing. The best part was he had all his youth group friends that go up to 12th grade there encouraging him to get out there and have fun. On the way home he was so glad we went.
Like Sarah, I LOVED high school dances. I went to nearly every one that I could and even went to extra dances that our local Methodist church youth group would put on for all of the kids in the community (even though I was a cradle Lutheran). As a high school teacher, I have watched the number of dances slowly decrease to basically three dances a year now: Homecoming, Winter Homecoming, and Prom. Kids need dances. They need the social space, they need the freedom of movement, the risk of asking a crush to dance with them, and the contact that slow dancing presents.
Good news from our family however. The last month has brought us prom for our daughter and the 8th grade formal for our son. Our daughter says that she and her friends basically danced all night, saying she couldn't get up for church the next morning because she was FAR too tired after a night of dancing in heels. Parents who were at the 8th grade formal said that a lot of our son's peers were dancing the night away, including many of the boys.
One thing that made me sad about prom was the lack of an after prom. As a teacher, I've watched far too many parents start hosting parties that really do allow for all sorts of risky behavior. I miss the days when our high school (my alma mater) did a HUGE after prom party for all of the juniors and seniors. It was great social time, it was fun, and it kept us out of trouble.
Sarah, I had the same thoughts about Prom when my daughter told me there was only 1 slow song. I wrote on FB about how I wanted to throw a 90s style dance with a good mix of fast and slow songs, in a high school gym, and I'd take everyone's phones and give them disposable cameras. A lady from the PTA said it sounded like I should host next year's MORP and I think I am! Make it happen, Sarah!
I literally got a little postcard last week from my election commission politely informing me that it is a CRIME to certify you are a particular party on Election Day if you aren’t. It’s not like Tennessee has any sort of party registration system—on Election Day, you just tell them which ballot you want and sign your name. My husband and I have both voted cross aisle in races before for a variety of reasons — mainly, because we live in a very red place, voting in the Republican primary is the only way to have a say, as yall said. I truly want to know what the intent is here—is it just one of those MAGA style mob boss threats? Or do they actually have an intent to scour Facebook posts and donation records so they can prosecute any of us who dare say we are republican one day a year so that we have a voice in our elections and leadership?
Here’s my take on the prom/social activities discussion. I am 100% behind making your kids do stuff they don’t want to do. I’ll make my kids go to dances when the time is right- it’s just what you do (my mom has to force me to go to a few).
However, I think we need to acknowledge how people are wired differently and will enjoy different things. The phones are a huge impediment, to be sure, but even when I was in high school I don’t remember enjoying the actual dancing aspect of prom. I attended 4, and had so much fun buying the dress, going out to dinner beforehand, and going to a 24 hour diner after. The actual dance- kind of meh. Would have happily skipped that part. That’s just my personality.
Idk, my faith in the youth was encouraged when I was at Olive Garden with my family on prom night. Apparently both high schoolers and my 7yo are obsessed with the cheap meals and in your face ambience of this classic American chain. It makes me want to rip off my own face, but, there we were, eating what passes for “Italian” “cuisine”. There were about 4 or 5 tables of kids heading to prom. They were so cute! Yes, they had their phones out a lot but it was mostly taking selfies with each other, or showing each other pictures of other classmates in prom clothes who weren’t there but presumably they were going to see at the prom. They were talking to each other, laughing, showing off their dresses and how they could or couldn’t walk in the shoes. And if that social interaction is the highlight of their night, as my pre-prom dinner was for me, I think that’s just fine.
I love how much my daughter loves it. And I honestly really appreciate the whole vibe- it’s a complete experience with the decor and music and just whole ambiance which is rare to have- and the price point is amazing.
But I really, really struggle to find something on the menu I find palatable. It’s gotten to the point that I will just get a glass of wine and then eat after 😬😬😬
I’m so far behind on this one but I do want to note…
I came from a smaller school in a farm town in Illinois. We had casual dances every weekend. Dress up was homecoming & maybe Christmas. Formal was prom. During the summer every town had a street dance once a month. I MISS that energy.
Now I live in small town South Dakota. The only dances our high school or town have are homecoming and prom. And one of those is a joke. Homecoming schedule is:
Thursday night: coronation & bon fire (yes, on a school night)
Friday: pep rally at 11am, parade at 2, football game at 5, dance as soon as the game is over for no more than 2 hours and no dressing up allowed.
WHATT?!? Needless to say, very few kids go. Many of us have tried to get it changed to no avail. (Friday pep rally/coronation/bon fire. Saturday morning parade, afternoon game, evening dance.) It’s ridiculous.
But prom in our corner of the state is a BFD here. You would think these kids were getting married. The girls all have sleepovers the night before and then get ready together. They make nosegays (for photo ops only - dates are still expected to get corsages). There’s usually a Pinterest level variety of themed food. Matching pajamas. Some bring folks in for hair and makeup. My daughter’s group had a couple younger girls come be photographers/videographers for them. Then off to multiple locations for photo ops (where the dates finally arrive). Before dinner and then the dance. And then post prom… It. Is. Bananas.
For prom in our tiny town (entire school district of about 400, my daughter’s class will graduate roughly 35 kids) with a large population of low income folks, the event includes a grand march where parents can come watch, a catered dinner, 3 hour dance, then they bus the kids to a local attraction for post prom (go-karts, bounce houses, water slides - voted on by the kids) from midnight-3am, they bus them back and a local restaurant feeds them all breakfast and they raffle off prizes. Every senior gets something. And we’re talking tv’s, mini fridges, etc. Not little stuff! The school booster club fundraisers all year long for it. Will my daughter ever go to our prom? Unclear. Because once again we have to ruin it with a rule that your date, if not in high school, has to have graduated from our town. So her boyfriend who is a year older and from a town over wouldn’t be able to attend ours her senior year. (And we would expect them to attend his for his senior year.) Why? No rational reason ever provided. Small town living is both the best and the worst.
Anyway. I miss having dances all the time. I’m on board to bring them back for all ages!
Every weekend?! Incredible!
Re: the stock market...
My husband is our household financial strategist and every time he tells me something about the stock market he knows he's going to get a rant about how it's completely divorced from reality, essentially made up, and basically professional gambling. Thank you for the quote about how the stock market is acting rationally if you are measuring it by corporate profits. That added a lower level of cynicism I didn't know was available... not surprising ... just... sigh.
Re: prom and structured v. unstructured activities for kids...
What I'm hearing is that we need less structured and rigid academic activities and more structured social activities. *frantically scribbling down parenting tips for my 2 year old in 10+ years*
I remember fun, informal middle school dances and slow dances! They were predictably awkward, fraught with teen and pre-teen drama and hormones and so much fun. And we did the Electric Slide and Cupid Shuffle.
I - at 13 years old - learned the full dance for I'm a Slave 4 U by Britney Spears after it came out and had so much fun practicing and showing it off (which, in hindsight sounds terrible, but i had so much fun and spent hours learning the dance). It also saddens me that kids are not getting this experience.
Re: the Civil Rights Movement... I've been (slowly) reading the works for MLK and please consider this my official request for a Pantsuit Politics slow read for some of his collected works. I have found so much to learn and ground from these during the last year+. Strength to Love, Trumpet of Conscience, Stride Towards Freedom, and All Labor Has Dignity are short and have been prescient, grounding, accessible, but intellectually and emotionally challenging reads.
Okay, I know I'm more than a week behind, but I'm catching up on episodes and this is where I'm at. A couple thoughts...
The last “dance” my 17 year old son attended was my 50th birthday party where i had a live band and an awesome Taylor Swift drag queen. He only danced because I pulled him out there. He hasn’t attended any school dances and is going to Senior prom with friends only because i am naming him. But it wasn’t always like this. As a little kid he danced all the time - at weddings and even at his sister’s “prom” we held in our backyard Covid year when she was a senior and couldn’t have a prom. But middle school (and/or Covid) changed him and he stopped being that outgoing cute kid.
I try to get my kids to do things to interact with actual humans more. One thing is if we are ordering food i make them call the restaurant and talk to a person and actual order rather than doing it online. Just something little for human to human interaction.
If any of y’all are looking for a dance outlet as an adult, may I suggest looking to see if you have a DivaDance near you? I go to classes 2-3 times a week and it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Inclusive, supportive, lovely community of people who just like to dance and move their bodies in joyful ways. (Not a sales pitch, just a passionate recommendation from someone who loves it!)
Also, if any of y’all are ever in Nashville, let me know and we’ll go line dancing at The Nashville Palace!
Adding a thought onto what Beth said about more structure and her daughters thriving in spaces like that — structure means safety to a lot of people. It says, someone thought this through so I don’t have to worry or be anxious because there’s a plan that someone cared enough about to put it in place. It does provide more freedom! I personally love knowing that there’s a person handling the backside of an activity that is not me. And hard agree on the buy-in of it all. It’s not fun unless everyone stacks hands on participating to the fullest extent — so roll your eyes at each other, kids, and then get your butts to the dance floor. En Vogue it, bebes.
Beth! Find yourself an adult Irish Dance class! I started taking Irish dance lessons 3 years ago and it is soooo awesome! Great exercise, and lots of structured interactions with your dance partners.
Irish dance is so fun!
I agree that our national debt is a major problem. I would say, that from my perspective, no “group” of citizens is well taken care of in the US of A. I want older people to be able to retire and not live in poverty. I want babies, children, single people, married people, parents, prisoners, immigrants, everyone to be cared for, at least at a basic level to build from. I see people working physically demanding jobs, and I do not think simply increasing the retirement age is an answer. Will these people be paid better and get PTO to even enjoy a vacation during their life? Will they get healthcare coverage and paid leave to deal with health issues or injuries that come with working? The possibilities are there to improve our overall quality of life and financial situations, but I believe it will require both building up the foundation of the basics of society (education, healthcare, EMS, caregiving), and addressing the tax code.
Paused to push back on the idea that in a perfect world, we wouldn't mess with the estate tax. Nobody is entitled to an inheritance. You are entitled to an equal opportunity. That's it.
Here's a fun fact: If your parents have traditional IRAs and 401ks, you'll pay taxes on your inheritance because your parents haven't. But the rich? They don't have or need 401ks or IRAs or if they do it's a much smaller share of their portfolio. Their kids get a step-up in cost basis on the stocks and bonds that they inherit.
Am I a hypocrite? Yes I am. I got a chunk of money when my parents died. But I've lived my life expecting they'd use up what they had before they died. The best I can say for myself is it is not a life changing amount of money. I can buy a nice car when my current car finally dies. The world would be a better place if people inherited less.
Wait, I DEFINITELY want to mess with the estate tax!
That was me-just talking through how I would present it as a leader trying to get people on board
Love the outside of politics! My son (just turned 13) and I were invited to a Sweet 16 for one of our youth group students. He had never been to a wedding reception, school dance, sweet 16, or bar mitzvah. He was so confused when he heard it was 4 hours 🤣🤣. He was like I can say happy birthday in 5 minutes. Well we went and he had the time of his life. It was a big one with 120 people and loads of fun dancing. The best part was he had all his youth group friends that go up to 12th grade there encouraging him to get out there and have fun. On the way home he was so glad we went.
Like Sarah, I LOVED high school dances. I went to nearly every one that I could and even went to extra dances that our local Methodist church youth group would put on for all of the kids in the community (even though I was a cradle Lutheran). As a high school teacher, I have watched the number of dances slowly decrease to basically three dances a year now: Homecoming, Winter Homecoming, and Prom. Kids need dances. They need the social space, they need the freedom of movement, the risk of asking a crush to dance with them, and the contact that slow dancing presents.
Good news from our family however. The last month has brought us prom for our daughter and the 8th grade formal for our son. Our daughter says that she and her friends basically danced all night, saying she couldn't get up for church the next morning because she was FAR too tired after a night of dancing in heels. Parents who were at the 8th grade formal said that a lot of our son's peers were dancing the night away, including many of the boys.
One thing that made me sad about prom was the lack of an after prom. As a teacher, I've watched far too many parents start hosting parties that really do allow for all sorts of risky behavior. I miss the days when our high school (my alma mater) did a HUGE after prom party for all of the juniors and seniors. It was great social time, it was fun, and it kept us out of trouble.
Sarah, I had the same thoughts about Prom when my daughter told me there was only 1 slow song. I wrote on FB about how I wanted to throw a 90s style dance with a good mix of fast and slow songs, in a high school gym, and I'd take everyone's phones and give them disposable cameras. A lady from the PTA said it sounded like I should host next year's MORP and I think I am! Make it happen, Sarah!
YESSSSSSSS
I literally got a little postcard last week from my election commission politely informing me that it is a CRIME to certify you are a particular party on Election Day if you aren’t. It’s not like Tennessee has any sort of party registration system—on Election Day, you just tell them which ballot you want and sign your name. My husband and I have both voted cross aisle in races before for a variety of reasons — mainly, because we live in a very red place, voting in the Republican primary is the only way to have a say, as yall said. I truly want to know what the intent is here—is it just one of those MAGA style mob boss threats? Or do they actually have an intent to scour Facebook posts and donation records so they can prosecute any of us who dare say we are republican one day a year so that we have a voice in our elections and leadership?
Here’s my take on the prom/social activities discussion. I am 100% behind making your kids do stuff they don’t want to do. I’ll make my kids go to dances when the time is right- it’s just what you do (my mom has to force me to go to a few).
However, I think we need to acknowledge how people are wired differently and will enjoy different things. The phones are a huge impediment, to be sure, but even when I was in high school I don’t remember enjoying the actual dancing aspect of prom. I attended 4, and had so much fun buying the dress, going out to dinner beforehand, and going to a 24 hour diner after. The actual dance- kind of meh. Would have happily skipped that part. That’s just my personality.
Idk, my faith in the youth was encouraged when I was at Olive Garden with my family on prom night. Apparently both high schoolers and my 7yo are obsessed with the cheap meals and in your face ambience of this classic American chain. It makes me want to rip off my own face, but, there we were, eating what passes for “Italian” “cuisine”. There were about 4 or 5 tables of kids heading to prom. They were so cute! Yes, they had their phones out a lot but it was mostly taking selfies with each other, or showing each other pictures of other classmates in prom clothes who weren’t there but presumably they were going to see at the prom. They were talking to each other, laughing, showing off their dresses and how they could or couldn’t walk in the shoes. And if that social interaction is the highlight of their night, as my pre-prom dinner was for me, I think that’s just fine.
I too did not enjoy the prom part. It was the before and the after, like you said. I can barely remember the dance.
My hottest of hot takes: I really like Olive Garden 😬
I’ve studied in Rome. I love Olive Garden! I like both “real” Italian food and the dishes served at OG. Yum.
I love how much my daughter loves it. And I honestly really appreciate the whole vibe- it’s a complete experience with the decor and music and just whole ambiance which is rare to have- and the price point is amazing.
But I really, really struggle to find something on the menu I find palatable. It’s gotten to the point that I will just get a glass of wine and then eat after 😬😬😬