Commemorating Work Environment

Kristen has a question about balancing her mental health with her taxing career. Hannah-Carole commemorates her time working on oil rigs. Megan works in public health. Heather's husband has been thrilled with how Apple treats its employees. Beth has a work commemoration of her own.

vocational awe (Anne Helen Petersen)

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Transcript:

Sarah: [00:00:00] hi, I'm Sarah 

Beth: [00:00:05] and I'm Beth. 

Sarah: [00:00:06] We host Pantsuit Politics, a podcast with a remarkable community of listeners 

Beth: [00:00:10] here on The Nuanced Life, we come together every week to answer your questions and commemorate your milestones in hopes of bringing a little more grace to every aspect of life.

Sarah: [00:00:24] Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode of The Nuanced Life. We are delighted to be here with you and today we're talking about work. We're talking about mental health struggles at work, commemorating work achievements, good employers, and those who work in public health. And we can't wait to share these questions and insights and commemorations with you.

Beth: [00:00:47] Okay. Let's just dive in with Kristen. Kristen has a tough job. Kristen is a case manager with a child services office. So she deals with some pretty intense stuff,  has gotten really good feedback on her performance, feels like she's working in her calling, but last month a child died during one of her shifts.

And she has really struggled with that and is finding herself lying awake at night, worried about what the next day might hold, on the edge of tears a lot. And the feedback that she's getting at work is this level of care is why you're so great at this. And Kristen is reaching a point where she's wondering, yeah, but like, is this sustainable for me?

Is being great at my job worth the stress and anxiety that I'm feeling on a daily basis? And so she's just asking if we have any advice about knowing when you call it, even if it's a job you love, even if it's a career you were called to, for the sake of your own mental health. 

Sarah: [00:01:52] The first thing I would say is anxiety is so much about fearing the future. And I've had a lot of mental health professionals in my life tell me, okay what if the worst thing that you are fearing happens? And so if the death of this child is what sent Kristen spiraling, then I think in, especially with regards to her anxiety, then I think the first question I would ask her is.

Would you be capable of handling that again? Do you want to continue at the work, if your worst fears about what could happen on your job come true again? If you're faced with another child death during your shift or something, even more horrific. You know, I, to me, part of anxiety is facing it, instead of saying, what if, what if, okay, well, what if it does, will I, will I still find meaning in this work, will I still find fulfillment in this work?

Is there a way for me to face these anxieties and to face these fears and decide that I want to continue forward with this work? That there are people across this country that absolutely do it. I'm thinking about our local family court judge, who is just such an example of dedication in the face of incredible stress and incredible pressure and where the stakes are so high, because we're talking about the lives of kids.

And so, you know, I think asking yourself definitely with the help of a good mental health professional, and finding other people in your field who have found maybe not in your necessary workplace, where they have a stake in whether you stay or not, but someone outside that could mentor you and share their journey. That's at least where I would start. 

Beth: [00:03:30] Sometimes I associate the word care with carrying and a distinction that helps me when I think about emotional waves that you carry for other people is like, this is important to me, but I can't carry it around. Because that doesn't serve anybody. And I think if you can find a space in really intense work like this, and this is a very intense environment.

People in all kinds of environments feel that sense of I'm worried about what tomorrow brings. There are so many people who need my help. I can't help everybody. If you can make a distinction between all of that is really important to me, but I can't carry it around. That can become sustainable I think. If that distinction is impossible, then I think there is a moment when you have to say, maybe this isn't the right environment for me.

Maybe I need to find an environment where I can still live out my calling and do really good work, but where it doesn't cross that line to me feeling responsible for every outcome and responsible for everything everybody feels in the process of getting to some outcomes. And that's just really tough.

But what I want you to know, Kristen is if you decide, I can not make that distinction here, it is, it is going to feel like a burden that I have to carry around and I can't do it. That is not a failure. That is just a step along the path to a place of living out your calling in an environment where you can really flourish.

Sarah: [00:05:07] And I think flourishing. Is even more important in a job where the stakes are so high. No child is served by a person working under incredible stress and anxiety and overwork. I mean, I think we see this a lot and you know, part of that problem is societal and that we don't prioritize it through funding, but the answer is not to ask individuals to carry the weight and suffer the sacrifice of our societal decision, not to prioritize the care of children in our governmental institutions. 

Beth: [00:05:49] I think it would be helpful if all of us here at the Nuanced Life could like make a circle and put our hands in and also agree not to exacerbate this kind of anxiety for other people by saying, well, how much you care makes you really good at this.

I know that that is well intentioned. And I also just feel like it increases the stress and it increases that sense of, Oh, I'm failing. If I walk away. I'm letting people down, if I walk away. Sometimes we need to walk away and sometimes we just need new tools to stay and get us through. But those tools are not aided by your level of care makes you good at this.

 Nobody is better at their job because they are laying awake at night, worrying about the next day. Nobody. And I think we need to stop telling each other that they're I know we're looking for kind affirming things to say. We often make it harder on each other through those things.

Sarah: [00:06:47] Well, I think what we're dealing with too is a theory that Anne Helen Petersen introduced me to, um, called vocational awe. She shares it from an academic library in Fubizzitar. And it's like, they're talking about institutions like the library where it's just so good and sacred that it's worth enormous institutional or individual sacrifice on the behalf of the people that work there.

Like it's like built into the definition of the job. You're so good at it. And the care is what will lead to inevitable burnout. And I think we talk about that in so many vocations, librarians, teachers, social workers, and I don't, I refuse to accept that. I also think there's a huge gendered component to it.

Burnout in your work is not necessary to prove that the work is important or that you're good at the job. I just think we really need to work on our understanding of how we should be served by work and how we can serve through our work and abandoned this idea that like burnout is just an inevitable part of the equation.

Beth: [00:07:52] And I think one way we can work on that is by talking to ourselves and each other about how it's not that our anxiety and our constant rumination on work makes us good at it. It's that our boundaries make us good at it. You know, if, if Kristen, you can start to say to yourself, I grieve this death. I never want that to happen again.

And also it might. And I can still do this job, knowing that if it happens again, I will grieve that loss and grief is a part of this and it also is not going to consume me. And I know that things are going to happen to every child in my caseload that are out of my control. Some of it is going to be horrific.

And my boundaries about that, maintaining that sense that I, this is so important to me and I cannot control it. That is what makes you suited for this kind of environment. And that's true in lots of our professions. So I think the more we can applaud each other's boundaries, the healthier we'll get, and the farther away from that vocational all driving the bus will get.

Sarah: [00:08:59] All right. Let's move on from celebrating boundaries, which is absolutely important to commemorating an incredibly impressive work milestone.

This was from Hannah Carol, and she says today I am commemorating completing a phase of my career. Since I graduated college, I've been working rotationally on offshore drilling rigs. I worked 14, 14 and 21, 21 day schedule on every type of drilling vessel. My goal is to one day manage one of these rigs to prepare me for that role.

My training program started from an entry level position and worked up. I've been a roust about, a roughneck, a Derrick man, a mechanic, and the list goes on. When COVID allows, I will test for my offshore installation manager license. Each phase brought unique challenges personally and professionally. I moved to a new city after graduated and tried to build relationships while only being physically present for half the year.

I planned a wedding on my off time for my rig bunk bed, with the world's worst internet. I face new fears. For instance, prior to this job, I would say I was not afraid of Heights or helicopters, but that was before I had to work 90 feet in the air or learn to survive a simulated helicopter crash. Now I can definitely say I'm no longer afraid.

But the journey wasn't always enjoyable. At times I felt like the most unreliable wife, friend, daughter, sister. I missed holidays, birthdays, weddings, and funerals. 98% of the time I was the only female on the rig and I felt isolated. The environment and jobs were not designed for me in mind. This isn't a female chain there isn't a chain female change room.

And sometimes there's a challenge with bed space. Often, it felt a bit like living under a microscope. I worked with challenging personalities and had to learn how to have uncomfortable conversations. I deal with conflict better now than I ever thought I could. I also met people with life experiences, vastly different than my own.

I worked with crews who allowed me to truly be a part of their crews. Men who befriended me, trained me and stood up for me when they needed to. Men who excitedly wrote retold play by plays of their daughter's softball games and faked interest as they listened to my wedding planning woes. As to be expected. There were a few bad apples along the way, but I don't want those encounters to color my entire experience off shore. 

Beth: [00:11:15] She says at times I very much wanted to quit this job in moments when I felt isolated and even like an inconvenience on a rig because I didn't fit in. I'm thankful for the support system I had at home that helped me believe that I could do this crazy job. For mentors like you, Beth.

And thank you. I. Got to do some career coaching with Hannah Carol while she was off shore. So thank you for, including me here, Hannah Carol, who helped me navigate the challenges along the way for my brothers, who listened to my stories and laughed with me about whatever ridiculous encounter I had. My friends who encouraged me were intentional about reaching out to me while I was away and were gracious when my rotations interfered with their big life moments, I should have been there for.

 My parents who had been my cheerleaders every step of the way, the parents who also patiently listened to my tears or talked me through my fears. The real MVP though, is my husband. I can't put into words, the level of support he gave for this adventure.

For all those events I missed, he attended them solo and happily recounted them to me over the phone. We wanted to celebrate this achievement with a big party and a trip to Italy, but like all the other 2020 plans, it is on hold. Instead. He surprised me with cookie cake and a video of all our friends and family telling me congratulations and welcome home.

The big finale of his debut documentary was YouTube. Thank you so much for your kind words and all the wisdom and grace, your podcasts brought to my life. I have no idea where the future of this industry will take me in today's climate. It seems like there isn't a future, regardless of the next steps, I'm proud of this achievement, maybe each skill I learned off shore isn't transferable, but the life experience and lessons I have learned will carry me through whatever the chapters ahead hold.

Sarah: [00:12:46] Well, she sent pictures and they are amazing. 

Beth: [00:12:50] It is really hard to put into words how proud I am of Hannah Carol for finishing this because I got to talk with her personally, I have a real sense of some of the, this part was hard and. I just think it's amazing to think of a young woman on an oil rig by herself with a bunch of guys doing every single position to learn this job and sustaining her relationships from afar through all of that. And I'm just super, super proud of her. 

Sarah: [00:13:25] And I felt a part of her message too, which really touched me as the mother of three boys, like listening to the complexity with which she talks about her, like the men she shared this life with on these rigs. Like, you know, I think it's easy. It's easy for me to see you know, a sole woman on a rig and to make lots of assumptions, but to listen to her, talk about how they live and leave recount their daughter's softball games and listen to her wedding plan.

 Like that got me, like, it's just, you know, it takes such extreme situations I think sometimes to really expose each other's humanity to each other when we're all, you know, it's what they always say. Like differences matter less when you're all working towards a common goal. And look, I'm not trying to paint, rig life with a Rose colored paint brush here, cause I'm sure there's some real difficulties and everybody on there is not an angel, but I don't know. 

I just think it's, it's really beautiful the way that she describes the experience and her dedication and the strength and the fact that she is 100%, right, whether or not these skills transfer, she is a stronger person. And that is something that no one can ever take away from her. And I just think it's incredible and phenomenal. 

Beth: [00:14:37] I have zero doubt that these skills are going to transfer into such a variety of situations. I also have zero doubt that this industry is going to continue to be an important industry in the United States. I, you know, I, I know that everyone who works in oil has real concerns and it is going to be different. Absolutely. But energy is going to be different. And oil is always going to be some part of that.

And I think an understanding of how oil works is going to be really important as new energies start to develop. And so I just don't think a single moment of Hannah Carol's labor here has been wasted, not one, and really celebrate this milestone with her.

We also heard from Megan and Megan works in public health and she was deployed from fatal drug overdose surveillance, which is her usual beat. Can I say that about public health? You have a beat in public health. So she was deployed from that to COVID response and was put on a team responsible for sending testing results for long-term care facilities, like nursing homes in jails to County health officials.

She realized a couple of weeks into her deployment that she really felt energized by it. And she was energized despite working really long hours in a very high stress situation by the human interaction that she got. And now she's back to working virtually and is realizing how sorely she's missing that human interaction.

She thought she hated small talk. It turns out that small talk is far superior to, as she describes it, floating alone on a raft in the middle of the ocean with no land in site. So she said she just wanted to say that she feels for people who are struggling, even the people who don't really know that they are.

And wants to also express that people working in public health are really doing their best. And if you are waiting for a test result, no one is trying to give you the run around. That they're just a lot of different moving pieces, changing constantly, and people are working hard with great care for everyone. So thank you Megan so much for sharing that. 

Sarah: [00:16:58] Well, and this part of Megan's message really got me. She says, I'm looking forward to seeing how people react when we finally come together. Will they be like me and feeling almost giddy high after so much deprivation? Will some be skeptical and fearful to be around people again? 

Will someone to go back to working from home? From my experience, you may not actually know where you'll fall on that spectrum until the day comes. But I got to say after we just wrapped up an episode of Pantsuit Politics, we were talking about distance learning and it feels like we're in such a slog and there's so much news media, correct?

That we are entering some very difficult winter months, hearing a public health professional be like, there will be a day. Like there will be a day we will all come back together and won't it be fascinating to watch. And you think you'll know how you react, but you won't like, I don't know. I just needed that reminder.

And I really appreciate Megan forcing me to, to remember that there will be a day. There will be a day when we're not in the middle of a global pandemic. 

Beth: [00:17:49] I also think Megan shows her public health prowess by sharing that she feels for people who are struggling, even if they don't know they're struggling.

I think that describes a lot of people right now. It is very hard to remember why you're grouchy or why you're tired. Yeah. I've had so many weekends where I've thought, how have I done nothing? I have been so unproductive. What is wrong with me? And I have to walk all the way back and go, Oh, all this is wrong with me.

All of it. I really struggled during the election, uh, period between election day polls closing and some kind of result being announced. Like I couldn't get anything done. The mental load of it is difficult and I don't have at least a lot of practice of naming that there is some kind of psychic burden holding me down.

So I just loved that nod from Megan to people who can't even verbalize like, Oh my gosh, working from home is really getting me down. This lack of social interaction is really depriving me of a source of energy that's important for me. 

Sarah: [00:18:58] Well, I just am constantly reminding myself that whatever I'm facing, whatever we're talking about as a culture, whether it's an election at the national level, whether it's this black face controversy we have in my local community, whether it's a friend who's snapping at another, whatever it is like, it's never one thing.

This is 2020. We're all carrying so many things. There's so much stress and anxiety and pressure, and really like past pains and past injury and past trauma coming to the surface. Like it's an incredibly intense time to be alive, not just because of the pandemic, but because the pandemic is like you said, exasperating, just everything else.

And so I think always keeping an eye on like we're all carrying a lot right now is so hugely important. 

Beth: [00:19:47] Sarah before we wrap up, may I share a work commemoration? 

Sarah: [00:19:51] Yes. 

I 

Beth: [00:19:52] have decided to end my coaching practice for now. Uh, going into next year, I am not going to take on any clients. So I started doing business coaching when I left my full-time job in 2017 to write our book and put more focus on the podcast.

And I would say my first year, We were probably 50 50 in terms of my Pantsuit Politics work and my coaching work. And then the next year it became more like 60, 40, uh, in the Pantsuit Politics direction. And this year it's been more like 70, 30. And I just said, I'm at a point now where I realize I can't do everything as well as I want to do it.

And I love my coaching work. And so it's a little bit tricky to say goodbye to it for now. I imagine someday I'll do work like that again. But I do know right now that splitting my energy and focus is not doing me or anyone who loves me any favors. One of my clients, when I shared this news was so generous in saying it's really hard to walk away from something that's working.

And I feel like that's a courageous thing and it really meant a lot to me. And I've been thinking about that a lot and how I should share it, because I think a lot of us reach a point where we say this is working and it's also just not working for me right now. And I have felt so honored by the people who trusted me to walk with them in their businesses and their work.

And so I'm just commemorating a lot about the experience of having been able to work with amazing people like Hannah Carol, and many others. And I'm a little sad that I won't hear from you know, all of my clients on a weekly basis anymore or get all the details that I get now, but I'm also super grateful for the time I've been doing it and super excited to be able to focus more on, on the work that we do 

Sarah: [00:21:45] I'm excited. But I know that is hard to walk away from something that is working. And I am sad for your clients because I know that your coaching is invaluable to them. But, you know, selfishly, I'm glad to have all of your eggs in the Pantsuit Politics basket, for sure. 

Beth: [00:22:02] I just think we're going to have an exciting couple of years, you know, people are always like, do you think your podcast is going to fall apart after the election?

And I just don't. You know, I think what we all do here, first of all, I think the podcast is just much bigger than like just a political podcast. I think people who say that don't understand the community around what we do. And secondly, I just feel, I feel certain that we're living into our callings and that there's work for us to do. And, and I'm excited to give it my all. 

Sarah: [00:22:33] Well, we want to close out with a commemoration from Heather in Virginia. I think she heard our commemoration of Twitter and how they supported her, their employees. And she shared that her husband has worked for Apple for 10 years in their retail stores. And they've been a wonderful employee.

And not only they have continued to pay all of their employees at the regularrates for regular hours during all of COVID, whether their particular store is open or not, which that's amazing. I did not know that or whether they were able to go into work in an open store or not. But previous to COVID, they already had great health care open to part-time employees, generous, at least for the United States, maternity and paternity leave policies, generous time off, generous employee buying programs to stock 401k matching, and they double all employee donations to most nonprofit organizations.

Listen. My entire life is what my husband calls that the walled garden of Apple, I have all Apple devices. They all talk to each other. It's beautiful. I love it. I love everything about Apple. So I love to hear their employees say that they feel appreciated and valued and treated well by the company. 

Beth: [00:23:31] I'm so happy to hear that too. We are very much an Apple family. Every time there's an announcement of new products, my husband just grabs his credit card and sits and waits for them to tell them what to do with it. Uh, I believe that I have a new Apple phone sitting on the kitchen counter for me today because they've recently made such an announcement.

So I'm thrilled to hear this. And I will say just RN of interacting with Apple in the podcast space has been really, really positive and could re I really can't say enough good things about the people who work there and who we've been exposed to and their passion for what they do. It's, it's really awesome.

Sarah: [00:24:06] Thank you for joining us for another episode of The Nuanced Life. We will be back in your ears on Friday and if you don't mind, take a minute to rate and review The Nuanced Life on Apple podcast, speaking of Apple, it helps more people find our podcast and it means the world to us. So if you could do that, we would greatly appreciate it.

But until we're in your ears, either Friday on Pantsuit Politics or next week here on The Nuanced Life. Keep it nuanced, y'all.

The Nuanced Life is produced by Studio D Podcast Production. 

Beth: [00:24:46] Alisse Napp is our managing director. 

Sarah: [00:24:48] Dante Lima is the composer and performer of our theme music. 

Beth: [00:24:51] Learn more about our work by visiting PantsuitPoliticsShow.com to sign up for our weekly newsletter and following Pantsuit Politics on Instagram.