I am definitely not less nervous this year. I am probably more tuned-in than I was in 2020 and my life looks quite different. I have several coping practices in place but I am for sure losing sleep due to anxiety that hits me at night, am feeling on edge frequently, and can feel the muscle tension. I've started writing down all the things I am worried about related to the election as a way to get it out of my head. I have found that getting specific about the worries has been helpful -- that vague pervading sense of dread is no fun!
Phew with the passage of time. (Late 30s with twin 10-year-olds and an 8-year-old over here.) I feel weepy in the same way and not as superstitious as Sarah but I believe in the power of words. I often (OFTEN) say that I wish time would just *pause* right here. I DO want my kids to grow up, (As someone who lost a cousin the same age as me at the age of 24, that is something I do not take lightly.), I DO plan to enjoy the middle school/high school/teen years so much, but things feel SO GOOD right now (I mean, sometimes my kids are still a-holes, but you know). I know we're in some good years here and I would love to just sit here and enjoy it for awhile. *heavy wistful sigh*
Sweeties, I assume I'm late to the party, but I'm going to blame your age-related hormone changes for a large chunk of what you are discussing in the outside of politics. The early 40s found me bursting into tears all of the time. It gets better. Hang in there.
Over the past couple of years of working as a substitute then a paraeducator at my son's elementary school, I have peeked into the Wild Robot during read alouds and loved it. We put the movie opening on our calendar and went the first weekend. It was a profoundly well done piece of art that was so moving, both for me as an adult and for my 10 year old. The themes are universally human. We gave it a 10 out of 10. And yes, we both cried.
I have so many thoughts on Outside Politics, but it’d be too long. ☺️ My grandmother, who passed at 92, said in her head she was still 35. I’ll be 50 next year and my oldest daughter is 20. I love watching my kids mature. I’ve often said, “I don’t mind my children aging, I mind aging.” How can my daughter be twenty when memories of my early 20s are so vivid?? So, I think my grandmother was on to something.
Beth- we saw Wild Robot for my son’s 10th birthday two weeks ago. I was also wrecked by that movie and crying throughput. Definitely wasn’t prepared for that (beyond always being kind of a softy in movies).
I’m so intrigued at thinking about this 10 year view of life that Sarah did, especially looking at how much my life has changed (for the better) in the last 10 years.
To give everyone a bit of hope- I was at a fundraising event for Bennie Thompson a few weeks ago, and he said that they are prepared for any election related shenanigans. I trust Bennie as the chair of the Jan 6 committee to know what’s going on.
I am 52. I am pretty sure that I am living longer than I should have. I have done nothing to keep the old carapace healthy. I plan to leave my body to a local medical school. I am sure that they will promptly take it to Good Will. Anyway, death doesn’t bother me, dying does. It could be slow, painful, and terrifying, and no, thanks. I don’t want to survive whatever happens right before the apocalyptic movies start. I believe in God, and I believe that I am immortal until he says so. At the same time, I don’t make toast near the bathtub or dream of running the bulls in Pamplona. I don’t know if I can write my obituary, I was barely able to create my LinkedIn profile. But I have played with epitaphs, which I won’t have because the whole medical school Good Will thing. I have thought of some: “Sorry. Try again”. “Better luck next time”. Or just maybe like the old King Crimson song, “Confusion will be my epitaph”. I think maybe just “Returned to Sender” would do. Memento mori, friends, carpe diem. Tempus fugit.
The obituary exercise seems odd to me because I believe rituals around death are primarily for the living. I have very strong directives for what should happen to my body after death (I want to be composted so I can rejoin the circle of life, possibly in a conservation forest where stripped land desperately needs the nutrients). But I believe the living need the space to decide the particulars of the funereal ritual as part of their grieving process.
My FIL died last month and once again, three years after the death of his wife, I was fascinated to see how the family chose to remember their parents in the obituary. Both obituaries were long sketches of the person's life, from the small towns they were born in through their overseas adventures and their building of a family. I learned details I had never known before, and was fascinated that both her children and her husband took great pride in the work my MIL had done with the British and Australian armies during WWII in Japan (that second one was a surprise!). A Japanese woman who had witnessed the mushroom cloud over Hiroshima, my MIL had been a SAHM for five children. To see the details - and the photos - from her time on military bases in post-war Japan gave me real insight not just into her life, but into how her family sees her and her legacy.
My FIL's children chose to focus on his passion as a hunter and fisherman in his obituary, and again I heard new stories: as a teenager, he would take a job just long enough to earn money for ammo, then quit and go hunting. When in a survival exercise in the Navy, he spent the week isolated in the woods like a vacation, hunting and fishing to his heart's content. His military service was noted with pride, but almost as an explanation for all the photos of fish caught off the deck of destroyers and other naval ships. When asked by the florist what flowers we wanted for his funeral, I told her Pawpaw's boys remember hunting and fishing with their dad in the pine forests, oceans, and wetlands of the American South. Think pine boughs and cattails, camo and fishing lures. And boy, did she come through! We would never have been able to share this special floral tribute at the memorial service without the perspective that the obituary written by my FIL's children provided.
It's important to remember that the dry, basic facts we see listed in newspaper obituaries are a practical result: printed obits are expensive. When we tried to place the full obit for my FIL, we discovered it would cost $1,000. The bare bones version would cost $400. We gave the money to the florist instead and only had the obit printed in the church memorial program and on our socials. So those basic obits none of us seem to like are a compromise - there's likely a fuller story the family wants to share.
I had *no idea* of the cost of obituaries and it kind of gives me some context to why they seem increasingly harder to locate (as in, it doesn't feel like as common a practice as in years past).
I think they are less common because nobody gets the paper anymore. Even my 90 year old mother-in-law doesn't get the paper. The obit fees were high in 2002 when my dad died, but at least you could count on people seeing it. Now you can't, so why pay. In my experience the funeral home will post it online for you and I assume that's included in the fee. (BTW, that post seems to be forever, so it's better than a newspaper.)
Oops, that should read "during post-WWII reconstruction in Japan." My MIL was too young to work during the war, and Allied armies certainly wouldn't have been based there at that time!
Oh my gosh, you guys! The outside of politics had me sobbing today. Beth, I am right there with you on the tenderness of how quickly time passes. It’s not that I don’t want it to pass — I do! I just feel really really emotional about it. I have a high school junior, and these days every time I look at him, I practically burst into tears. How did he grow so fast?? It’s a really hard balance of being proud and wanting him to go out into the world, but also knowing that he will leave here someday soon. 😭❤️🩹💕
Time is such a weird thing. The other day I was at a party and saw a friend I hadn’t seen in around 10 years. Our conversation felt so natural that it really felt like we were just picking up where we left off the other day even though it had been 10 years.
Such a great conversation. Chiming in on the outside politics topic - I haven’t written my obituary but I’ve morbidly thought about writing my mother’s even though she’s alive and well. When my dad died, I was so deeply sad and overwhelmed by grief that I found every part of funeral planning so overwhelming. There are SO many decisions to be made when people die. I would rather have some of those tasks started or at least thought through now when I can ask my mom questions and fill in information gaps than when I’m totally overwhelmed with grief.
I also have a Google drive “When I die” doc that’s shared with my husband and my best friend that has info on where important items can be found, my preferences on funeral arrangements - hymns I like, who should not speak, etc., preferences on donating organs, etc. What can I say - I’m a planner and would have appreciated this sort of thing when my dad died. I have thoughts and I don’t trust people to remember all these details.
I am definitely not less nervous this year. I am probably more tuned-in than I was in 2020 and my life looks quite different. I have several coping practices in place but I am for sure losing sleep due to anxiety that hits me at night, am feeling on edge frequently, and can feel the muscle tension. I've started writing down all the things I am worried about related to the election as a way to get it out of my head. I have found that getting specific about the worries has been helpful -- that vague pervading sense of dread is no fun!
Phew with the passage of time. (Late 30s with twin 10-year-olds and an 8-year-old over here.) I feel weepy in the same way and not as superstitious as Sarah but I believe in the power of words. I often (OFTEN) say that I wish time would just *pause* right here. I DO want my kids to grow up, (As someone who lost a cousin the same age as me at the age of 24, that is something I do not take lightly.), I DO plan to enjoy the middle school/high school/teen years so much, but things feel SO GOOD right now (I mean, sometimes my kids are still a-holes, but you know). I know we're in some good years here and I would love to just sit here and enjoy it for awhile. *heavy wistful sigh*
Sweeties, I assume I'm late to the party, but I'm going to blame your age-related hormone changes for a large chunk of what you are discussing in the outside of politics. The early 40s found me bursting into tears all of the time. It gets better. Hang in there.
“This growing older stuff is not for the faint of heart.” Truest words!
Over the past couple of years of working as a substitute then a paraeducator at my son's elementary school, I have peeked into the Wild Robot during read alouds and loved it. We put the movie opening on our calendar and went the first weekend. It was a profoundly well done piece of art that was so moving, both for me as an adult and for my 10 year old. The themes are universally human. We gave it a 10 out of 10. And yes, we both cried.
I have so many thoughts on Outside Politics, but it’d be too long. ☺️ My grandmother, who passed at 92, said in her head she was still 35. I’ll be 50 next year and my oldest daughter is 20. I love watching my kids mature. I’ve often said, “I don’t mind my children aging, I mind aging.” How can my daughter be twenty when memories of my early 20s are so vivid?? So, I think my grandmother was on to something.
Beth- we saw Wild Robot for my son’s 10th birthday two weeks ago. I was also wrecked by that movie and crying throughput. Definitely wasn’t prepared for that (beyond always being kind of a softy in movies).
I’m so intrigued at thinking about this 10 year view of life that Sarah did, especially looking at how much my life has changed (for the better) in the last 10 years.
I was really moved by your conversation about writing your own obituaries. Since Beth asked for our thoughts, I'm going to post a Substack I released just today about that very topic. I just turned 60 this month and have thought about my own mortality quite a bit. Hope it's not too presumptuous to share here ... https://open.substack.com/pub/lisaswain/p/a-billion-heartbeats-and-counting?r=8vwcf&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Highly recommend Sue Monk Kidd's book "When the Heart Waits" for the transition to the 2nd half of life
To give everyone a bit of hope- I was at a fundraising event for Bennie Thompson a few weeks ago, and he said that they are prepared for any election related shenanigans. I trust Bennie as the chair of the Jan 6 committee to know what’s going on.
I am 52. I am pretty sure that I am living longer than I should have. I have done nothing to keep the old carapace healthy. I plan to leave my body to a local medical school. I am sure that they will promptly take it to Good Will. Anyway, death doesn’t bother me, dying does. It could be slow, painful, and terrifying, and no, thanks. I don’t want to survive whatever happens right before the apocalyptic movies start. I believe in God, and I believe that I am immortal until he says so. At the same time, I don’t make toast near the bathtub or dream of running the bulls in Pamplona. I don’t know if I can write my obituary, I was barely able to create my LinkedIn profile. But I have played with epitaphs, which I won’t have because the whole medical school Good Will thing. I have thought of some: “Sorry. Try again”. “Better luck next time”. Or just maybe like the old King Crimson song, “Confusion will be my epitaph”. I think maybe just “Returned to Sender” would do. Memento mori, friends, carpe diem. Tempus fugit.
Thank you for the giggle!
The obituary exercise seems odd to me because I believe rituals around death are primarily for the living. I have very strong directives for what should happen to my body after death (I want to be composted so I can rejoin the circle of life, possibly in a conservation forest where stripped land desperately needs the nutrients). But I believe the living need the space to decide the particulars of the funereal ritual as part of their grieving process.
My FIL died last month and once again, three years after the death of his wife, I was fascinated to see how the family chose to remember their parents in the obituary. Both obituaries were long sketches of the person's life, from the small towns they were born in through their overseas adventures and their building of a family. I learned details I had never known before, and was fascinated that both her children and her husband took great pride in the work my MIL had done with the British and Australian armies during WWII in Japan (that second one was a surprise!). A Japanese woman who had witnessed the mushroom cloud over Hiroshima, my MIL had been a SAHM for five children. To see the details - and the photos - from her time on military bases in post-war Japan gave me real insight not just into her life, but into how her family sees her and her legacy.
My FIL's children chose to focus on his passion as a hunter and fisherman in his obituary, and again I heard new stories: as a teenager, he would take a job just long enough to earn money for ammo, then quit and go hunting. When in a survival exercise in the Navy, he spent the week isolated in the woods like a vacation, hunting and fishing to his heart's content. His military service was noted with pride, but almost as an explanation for all the photos of fish caught off the deck of destroyers and other naval ships. When asked by the florist what flowers we wanted for his funeral, I told her Pawpaw's boys remember hunting and fishing with their dad in the pine forests, oceans, and wetlands of the American South. Think pine boughs and cattails, camo and fishing lures. And boy, did she come through! We would never have been able to share this special floral tribute at the memorial service without the perspective that the obituary written by my FIL's children provided.
It's important to remember that the dry, basic facts we see listed in newspaper obituaries are a practical result: printed obits are expensive. When we tried to place the full obit for my FIL, we discovered it would cost $1,000. The bare bones version would cost $400. We gave the money to the florist instead and only had the obit printed in the church memorial program and on our socials. So those basic obits none of us seem to like are a compromise - there's likely a fuller story the family wants to share.
I had *no idea* of the cost of obituaries and it kind of gives me some context to why they seem increasingly harder to locate (as in, it doesn't feel like as common a practice as in years past).
I think they are less common because nobody gets the paper anymore. Even my 90 year old mother-in-law doesn't get the paper. The obit fees were high in 2002 when my dad died, but at least you could count on people seeing it. Now you can't, so why pay. In my experience the funeral home will post it online for you and I assume that's included in the fee. (BTW, that post seems to be forever, so it's better than a newspaper.)
Oops, that should read "during post-WWII reconstruction in Japan." My MIL was too young to work during the war, and Allied armies certainly wouldn't have been based there at that time!
Hey are any of my western mass listeners planning on going to Boston and would you like to meet up beforehand/carpool out there/go together?
Oh my gosh, you guys! The outside of politics had me sobbing today. Beth, I am right there with you on the tenderness of how quickly time passes. It’s not that I don’t want it to pass — I do! I just feel really really emotional about it. I have a high school junior, and these days every time I look at him, I practically burst into tears. How did he grow so fast?? It’s a really hard balance of being proud and wanting him to go out into the world, but also knowing that he will leave here someday soon. 😭❤️🩹💕
PS. I think I will definitely not see this movie that everyone is sobbing through. I’m not sure my tender heart can handle that right now.🤣
Time is such a weird thing. The other day I was at a party and saw a friend I hadn’t seen in around 10 years. Our conversation felt so natural that it really felt like we were just picking up where we left off the other day even though it had been 10 years.
Such a great conversation. Chiming in on the outside politics topic - I haven’t written my obituary but I’ve morbidly thought about writing my mother’s even though she’s alive and well. When my dad died, I was so deeply sad and overwhelmed by grief that I found every part of funeral planning so overwhelming. There are SO many decisions to be made when people die. I would rather have some of those tasks started or at least thought through now when I can ask my mom questions and fill in information gaps than when I’m totally overwhelmed with grief.
I also have a Google drive “When I die” doc that’s shared with my husband and my best friend that has info on where important items can be found, my preferences on funeral arrangements - hymns I like, who should not speak, etc., preferences on donating organs, etc. What can I say - I’m a planner and would have appreciated this sort of thing when my dad died. I have thoughts and I don’t trust people to remember all these details.
I love this idea. It's something I've been wanting to start but haven't gotten to yet.