My mom aesthetic that I HOPE to be is Camille Braverman (the grandma) from the tv series, Parenthood. She is still herself. She still does her art and has her own interests. But she loves her family, creates experiences for them, gets everyone together, checks in with everyone, but she’s not overbearing. She’s there with wise words, when asked, but doesn’t overstep. Above all, she is forgiving. Even when her kids or grandkids make the biggest mistakes, she is there for them.
I actually can’t say that I’m that much like her right now. My kids are still fairly young. But I hope to be like her one day!
To the merch of it all, this 1976 Snoopy ornament has been my favorite over the years. It made me feel patriotic and remember to love my country in the darkest of Decembers! He was lost in a house fire, but maybe I can find something similar this year.
Beautiful episode. Beth, I want to hear more about salons, because I want to bring them back. I am on board. It's a great space for discussing life through the vice/virtue framework, IMO...
And, I had the same reaction that Beth had to the Mom aesthetic, though Sarah's answer was so darn good that now I need help curating mine. Here are the ideas I want to get across: LL Bean catalogue (rugged New England outdoorsy adventurer) + spirit guide a la Dumbledore -- for some reason I can't think of a female Dumbledore? Help!! My kids are little now, but I want to be the mom that they and all their friends come to talk to as life goes on to discuss all questions and concerns, great and small.
Thinking about mom esthetics had me in this weird spot of thinking about how I'm perceived (or how I perceive I'm perceived) and that way lies madness for me. Thinking about what I want and how I want to feel and how I'd like to feel to my people puts me closer.
And I realized that I still see myself as a "hot mess mama" and, while having 4 kids in 5.5 years for sure put me in that space for a long time, I'm not sure anyone but me still really looks at me that way... it may just be yet another area where my self-concept needs updated. (If only that were easy.)
More vibe than esthetic, "these people are such a delight" is how I want to be and what I want my people to feel from me, I think.
Robin, how I'm perceived vs. how I want to feel is THE distinction. And I love "these people are a delight." I might have to steal that -- or at least "these people delight in each other."
I think I mean more "these people are such a delight *to me*," maybe. I have four kids (ages Jane and Ellen with two between, basically) and expecting the six pairwise sibling relationships to be always characterized by delight seems bound to lead to frustration for everyone, but they each certainly delight *me* and my hope is that the vibe kind of influences their relationships with each other.
It was called the Devine Inventory, and it was the most helpful assessment I've ever taken. It was so long and complicated. The session of reviewing my results was about 3 hours of absolute therapy. I felt naked and afraid, but it put such a spotlight on some critical pieces of my life. It also is probably why I jumped into Pantsuit Politics, even when it made absolutely no career or financial sense for us at the time. SO SADLY, it was sold and reworked a few years ago, so I can't tell you anything about its current value.
So, this is sort of related to some of the issues people have with celebrating the 250th. I saw this headline scrolling through Apple News yesterday, and it made me sad for this woman. https://ew.com/alf-actress-anne-schedeen-dead-11997891 Like, the legacy of hers that made the headline is her hatred for another human being. Either she &/or her family wanted THAT to be the thing said about her to sum up her life - she REALLY hated a guy. WTF are we doing here?
Also, I think some people are operating from a perfectionist sort of mindset about some of this stuff. If you’ve ever struggled with perfectionist tendencies, you know that it is not that perfectionism actually makes everything perfect. It is instead that basically nothing is ever good enough because it’s NOT perfect. So, a mistake is not a learning opportunity to do better in the future, but a failure that haunts you and leads to self-flogging when you think about the mistake, which is also not helpful. There is a saying that goes something like, “you are more than your lowest moment.” Should every human have to acknowledge all their major wrongdoings before any celebration of good in their lives? That’s insanity. I think this applies to our country, too. Our nation is not perfect, and has for sure made many mistakes. We should certainly own up to them, learn from them, and do everything we can to not repeat them. But, hanging our heads in shame forever about past mistakes, and having to even out any celebration by bringing them up, seems wildly unproductive.
As someone else mentioned, I’ve also enjoyed the reactions of (mainly) Europeans to various American experiences they find unique and interesting. I think part of what is so refreshing about this, is that they are able to take all of this in and find joy in it without all of the completely unhinged, idiotic political filters we Americans tend to apply to things before we are willing to claim to enjoy them. They aren’t operating under the moronic mindset that something like Buc-ee’s or Waffle House might seem MAGA or something. They are just pure in their simple enjoyment of enjoyable things. They aren’t over analyzing if the food they are eating is “classy” enough, they’re just willing to say biscuits and gravy are awesome. Why do those of us who live here make all of that so difficult and complicated?
Yes all around. It's important to practice loving imperfect people/places/institutions if we want to love...anything or anyone ever, including ourselves.
My toxic trait is that I am contrarian by nature so I hate trends, BUT, like Beth, trying to call out my initial “dumb idea” reaction. That being said I’m going to lean into Sunshine Mom, because I want to be a bringer of joy and warmth and light.
I am feeling stupid. I couldn't find it either. Where are the show notes now that the show has moved to Substack? When I click on the link next to "Episode Resources," it just opens this page again.
You’re not stupid. This week’s show notes did not have links in it like usual (which I have plenty of grace for because we are down an Alise and Maggie!)
I saw Bruce Springsteen last month and it reminded me why I love this Country and fight so hard for it. My husband and I decided after to have a 4th of July party. In honor of his favorite line from Muppet Vision 3d (which was at Hollywood Studios) we are calling it “A salute to all Nations but mostly America” and I keep telling friends think Bruce not Kid Rock.
As for parenting style I recently decided I’m a Lorax Mom, constantly reminding my kids that unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothings going to get better
Fully support the Muppet energy! Do you remember when they had a little show in the Magic Kingdom in Liberty Square? I am sure it is on YouTube but you would appreciate it!
My neighborhood puts on a little neighborhood parade in the morning followed by a potluck on July 4th every year. Think…kids riding decorated bikes, scooters, wagons, etc. Dogs dressed in their 4th of July best. Afterward a potluck is hosted in a centrally located yard. It’s adorable and one of my favorite traditions, so while it’s not on July 5, I’m counting it!
Love it! One of my neighbors hosts a kickball tournament on the morning of the 4th. Super casual -- it's just in a nearby open field, he grabs donuts for everyone, it's a mix of kids and adults. So fun!
At the risk of being super unfun, (which, likely related to my Mom aesthetic though not a mom) is anyone else very bothered by the “America” 250 branding? US250 or USA240 seems more accurate. As I understand it, the naming was set in a bipartisan manner/through a bipartisan process.
I am just getting more uptight about precision of wording. By way of example, I find myself becoming frustrated when I hear others using more or less to describe the relative quantity of discrete items. It should be fewer or more!! Ok, stepping down from my soap box. Thanks for listening to my frustrations. 😬
This comment is so serendipitous, Amy, because I was just thinking this week about the ways in which this job has made me hold precision more tightly and ways in which it has dramatically loosened my grip on it!
I can see how law school would make one more rigid about word choice and meaning. I think that my legal adjacent work is what has done it to me. I find myself muttering “words have meaning!” 😂again, I’m super fun!
Out of curiosity, do people push back when you correct them on “more or less than” or other minute precision of language details? Or are people accepting of the corrections?
Good question! I haven’t actually taken to correcting others on their word usage of this sort as I’m not sure that it would be effective in changing anything. No real victims in the grammar(-ish) crimes other than our ears and brains.
I would rather spend whatever social capital I have on dispelling misinformation and sharing accurate information about science and how it works to allow people to make more informed choices and have better understanding. That could benefit us all, if anyone cares enough to listen.
The 4th has been complicated for me for over a decade now since I really started learning the larger, more diverse history of the country than I was taught in school. I plan to observe the day thinking of all the people who have fought to make America honor the promises the founders laid out. If you haven’t read The Small and the Mighty by Sharon McMahon, I think it’s a wonderful book to read as we observe America 250. I love love love the potluck idea.
Lately, I think we are seeing the revolutionary spirit on display as communities fight against data centers and other threats to local environments. These bipartisan efforts give me lots of hope right now.
I’m mixed on the mom labels. The skeptical part of me sees it as just another way to sell moms more things they don’t need to fit the aesthetic of butter mom, cozy mom, etc. But I can see the benefit of having a unifying idea to help you think of the ideals you want to embody in motherhood.
Thanks for another great episode. I’m so glad to have all my Pantsuit Politics People to walk through the 250th with together.
I wrote this down (close to something Sarah said, I think): "I'm grateful and honored to be a participant in the journey toward a more perfect union." I'm so excited about America 250. I was a teenager during the bicentennial and loved it all. I just moved to a diverse neighborhood, and I really want to put up an American flag, but it pisses me off that I'm worried what my neighbors might think I mean by it. Not gonna let any asshole in the White House dim my joy, but also super aware that other people have, as you said, "complicated feelings" about celebrating this flawed nation full of flawed humans. And also, a teacher phrase that might encapsulate Beth's mothering style is "guide on the side." There you have my stream-of consciousness ramblings for today!
I feel really lucky to have one of my best sets of childhood memories be about America's 200th birthday in 1976. I was 7 years old and my mom and I lived with my grandparents. My grandfather was a gadget guy. We lived in a Miami FL retirement-friendly trailer park and he built a wind turbine for electricity, a ham radio, and a little electric car that we rode around in to the pool and playgrounds. He also had a huge 60s Greyhound bus parked in the driveway (the big rounded metal kind) that he gutted. He put in wall-to-wall shag carpet; bolted down real furniture; built this pull out bathroom and shower that had a mural of a forest in it; a kitchen in the back...it was very 70s and awesome!
So in the summer of '76, my grandparents and I (and my grandfather's parrot Charlie) took off to travel the entirety of the eastern seaboard for three months stopping to visit family in Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, and Virginia, and hitting every national park, military base (grandfather was retired air force), and site there was to see all the way up to Maine.
We made several pit stops in DC over those three months, including for the 4th. My grandfather would put "Tour A" up on the sign at the front of the bus, close all the curtains, and park with all the other tour busses in DC....all the while hoping no one got curious about the parrot sounds coming from the bus.
I remember DC being completely decked out...every building, museum, park, etc had something to offer. I remember a Freedom train that was going around from town to town, a parade where I got to shake hands with Colonel Sanders of KFC fame (very exciting to a 7 yr old)....and of course there was THE QUEEN'S VISIT!!!!! And I was there when she came out onto a balcony of the White House and waved to the crowds.
There were air shows to go to, special performances all over the city, reenactments...the list of things to do and see was endless. My favorite place was the Air and Space Museum and we went several times.
And then, there was the 4th itself where my grandparents and I, my aunt, and some cousins, sat along the reflecting pool on the esplanade to watch the fireworks. My aunt even got a couple leeches on her leg!
This is the energy I'm trying to channel into how I celebrate this year. It really was a party for the people back then and that's what I desperately want it to be this time around.
How did you say it? We celebrate and love America because even now, we believe we can make it better. That's a very loose interpretation but YES! The best form of patriotism is to push our country closer to its promises and potential, because we love it.
My mom aesthetic that I HOPE to be is Camille Braverman (the grandma) from the tv series, Parenthood. She is still herself. She still does her art and has her own interests. But she loves her family, creates experiences for them, gets everyone together, checks in with everyone, but she’s not overbearing. She’s there with wise words, when asked, but doesn’t overstep. Above all, she is forgiving. Even when her kids or grandkids make the biggest mistakes, she is there for them.
I actually can’t say that I’m that much like her right now. My kids are still fairly young. But I hope to be like her one day!
I just saw this article about the time capsule that will be buried in Philadelphia on July 4th. It has a list of what each state and territory contributed. Many of them are so thoughtful and beautiful, and then there are coins... https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/usa250/2026/06/16/america-250-time-capsule-contents/90527898007/
To the merch of it all, this 1976 Snoopy ornament has been my favorite over the years. It made me feel patriotic and remember to love my country in the darkest of Decembers! He was lost in a house fire, but maybe I can find something similar this year.
Beautiful episode. Beth, I want to hear more about salons, because I want to bring them back. I am on board. It's a great space for discussing life through the vice/virtue framework, IMO...
And, I had the same reaction that Beth had to the Mom aesthetic, though Sarah's answer was so darn good that now I need help curating mine. Here are the ideas I want to get across: LL Bean catalogue (rugged New England outdoorsy adventurer) + spirit guide a la Dumbledore -- for some reason I can't think of a female Dumbledore? Help!! My kids are little now, but I want to be the mom that they and all their friends come to talk to as life goes on to discuss all questions and concerns, great and small.
I promise that more on salons is coming your way this fall!
Yes to hearing more about salons! Please. :)
Thinking about mom esthetics had me in this weird spot of thinking about how I'm perceived (or how I perceive I'm perceived) and that way lies madness for me. Thinking about what I want and how I want to feel and how I'd like to feel to my people puts me closer.
And I realized that I still see myself as a "hot mess mama" and, while having 4 kids in 5.5 years for sure put me in that space for a long time, I'm not sure anyone but me still really looks at me that way... it may just be yet another area where my self-concept needs updated. (If only that were easy.)
More vibe than esthetic, "these people are such a delight" is how I want to be and what I want my people to feel from me, I think.
Robin, how I'm perceived vs. how I want to feel is THE distinction. And I love "these people are a delight." I might have to steal that -- or at least "these people delight in each other."
I think I mean more "these people are such a delight *to me*," maybe. I have four kids (ages Jane and Ellen with two between, basically) and expecting the six pairwise sibling relationships to be always characterized by delight seems bound to lead to frustration for everyone, but they each certainly delight *me* and my hope is that the vibe kind of influences their relationships with each other.
Beth, what is the personality inventory you mentioned in the episode where it told you that you were “low affiliation”?
It was called the Devine Inventory, and it was the most helpful assessment I've ever taken. It was so long and complicated. The session of reviewing my results was about 3 hours of absolute therapy. I felt naked and afraid, but it put such a spotlight on some critical pieces of my life. It also is probably why I jumped into Pantsuit Politics, even when it made absolutely no career or financial sense for us at the time. SO SADLY, it was sold and reworked a few years ago, so I can't tell you anything about its current value.
So, this is sort of related to some of the issues people have with celebrating the 250th. I saw this headline scrolling through Apple News yesterday, and it made me sad for this woman. https://ew.com/alf-actress-anne-schedeen-dead-11997891 Like, the legacy of hers that made the headline is her hatred for another human being. Either she &/or her family wanted THAT to be the thing said about her to sum up her life - she REALLY hated a guy. WTF are we doing here?
Also, I think some people are operating from a perfectionist sort of mindset about some of this stuff. If you’ve ever struggled with perfectionist tendencies, you know that it is not that perfectionism actually makes everything perfect. It is instead that basically nothing is ever good enough because it’s NOT perfect. So, a mistake is not a learning opportunity to do better in the future, but a failure that haunts you and leads to self-flogging when you think about the mistake, which is also not helpful. There is a saying that goes something like, “you are more than your lowest moment.” Should every human have to acknowledge all their major wrongdoings before any celebration of good in their lives? That’s insanity. I think this applies to our country, too. Our nation is not perfect, and has for sure made many mistakes. We should certainly own up to them, learn from them, and do everything we can to not repeat them. But, hanging our heads in shame forever about past mistakes, and having to even out any celebration by bringing them up, seems wildly unproductive.
As someone else mentioned, I’ve also enjoyed the reactions of (mainly) Europeans to various American experiences they find unique and interesting. I think part of what is so refreshing about this, is that they are able to take all of this in and find joy in it without all of the completely unhinged, idiotic political filters we Americans tend to apply to things before we are willing to claim to enjoy them. They aren’t operating under the moronic mindset that something like Buc-ee’s or Waffle House might seem MAGA or something. They are just pure in their simple enjoyment of enjoyable things. They aren’t over analyzing if the food they are eating is “classy” enough, they’re just willing to say biscuits and gravy are awesome. Why do those of us who live here make all of that so difficult and complicated?
I have had the same experience watching the World Cup guest reaction videos! It's been a real gift.
Yes all around. It's important to practice loving imperfect people/places/institutions if we want to love...anything or anyone ever, including ourselves.
My toxic trait is that I am contrarian by nature so I hate trends, BUT, like Beth, trying to call out my initial “dumb idea” reaction. That being said I’m going to lean into Sunshine Mom, because I want to be a bringer of joy and warmth and light.
I'm also contrarian by nature and I'm really working on it, Keely!
Immediately planning a potluck! Couldn’t find in the show notes so I googled and you can add your potluck here: https://america250.utah.gov/americaspotluck/
I am feeling stupid. I couldn't find it either. Where are the show notes now that the show has moved to Substack? When I click on the link next to "Episode Resources," it just opens this page again.
You’re not stupid. This week’s show notes did not have links in it like usual (which I have plenty of grace for because we are down an Alise and Maggie!)
Thanks!!!
Thank you for sharing that link!
I saw Bruce Springsteen last month and it reminded me why I love this Country and fight so hard for it. My husband and I decided after to have a 4th of July party. In honor of his favorite line from Muppet Vision 3d (which was at Hollywood Studios) we are calling it “A salute to all Nations but mostly America” and I keep telling friends think Bruce not Kid Rock.
As for parenting style I recently decided I’m a Lorax Mom, constantly reminding my kids that unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothings going to get better
Muppet Vision 3D!! RIP. 😭
I love the Lorax Mom classification!
Fully support the Muppet energy! Do you remember when they had a little show in the Magic Kingdom in Liberty Square? I am sure it is on YouTube but you would appreciate it!
My neighborhood puts on a little neighborhood parade in the morning followed by a potluck on July 4th every year. Think…kids riding decorated bikes, scooters, wagons, etc. Dogs dressed in their 4th of July best. Afterward a potluck is hosted in a centrally located yard. It’s adorable and one of my favorite traditions, so while it’s not on July 5, I’m counting it!
Love it! One of my neighbors hosts a kickball tournament on the morning of the 4th. Super casual -- it's just in a nearby open field, he grabs donuts for everyone, it's a mix of kids and adults. So fun!
At the risk of being super unfun, (which, likely related to my Mom aesthetic though not a mom) is anyone else very bothered by the “America” 250 branding? US250 or USA240 seems more accurate. As I understand it, the naming was set in a bipartisan manner/through a bipartisan process.
I am just getting more uptight about precision of wording. By way of example, I find myself becoming frustrated when I hear others using more or less to describe the relative quantity of discrete items. It should be fewer or more!! Ok, stepping down from my soap box. Thanks for listening to my frustrations. 😬
This comment is so serendipitous, Amy, because I was just thinking this week about the ways in which this job has made me hold precision more tightly and ways in which it has dramatically loosened my grip on it!
I can see how law school would make one more rigid about word choice and meaning. I think that my legal adjacent work is what has done it to me. I find myself muttering “words have meaning!” 😂again, I’m super fun!
Out of curiosity, do people push back when you correct them on “more or less than” or other minute precision of language details? Or are people accepting of the corrections?
Good question! I haven’t actually taken to correcting others on their word usage of this sort as I’m not sure that it would be effective in changing anything. No real victims in the grammar(-ish) crimes other than our ears and brains.
I would rather spend whatever social capital I have on dispelling misinformation and sharing accurate information about science and how it works to allow people to make more informed choices and have better understanding. That could benefit us all, if anyone cares enough to listen.
The 4th has been complicated for me for over a decade now since I really started learning the larger, more diverse history of the country than I was taught in school. I plan to observe the day thinking of all the people who have fought to make America honor the promises the founders laid out. If you haven’t read The Small and the Mighty by Sharon McMahon, I think it’s a wonderful book to read as we observe America 250. I love love love the potluck idea.
Lately, I think we are seeing the revolutionary spirit on display as communities fight against data centers and other threats to local environments. These bipartisan efforts give me lots of hope right now.
I’m mixed on the mom labels. The skeptical part of me sees it as just another way to sell moms more things they don’t need to fit the aesthetic of butter mom, cozy mom, etc. But I can see the benefit of having a unifying idea to help you think of the ideals you want to embody in motherhood.
Thanks for another great episode. I’m so glad to have all my Pantsuit Politics People to walk through the 250th with together.
I wrote this down (close to something Sarah said, I think): "I'm grateful and honored to be a participant in the journey toward a more perfect union." I'm so excited about America 250. I was a teenager during the bicentennial and loved it all. I just moved to a diverse neighborhood, and I really want to put up an American flag, but it pisses me off that I'm worried what my neighbors might think I mean by it. Not gonna let any asshole in the White House dim my joy, but also super aware that other people have, as you said, "complicated feelings" about celebrating this flawed nation full of flawed humans. And also, a teacher phrase that might encapsulate Beth's mothering style is "guide on the side." There you have my stream-of consciousness ramblings for today!
Guide on the side! Love it! Also, what a great conversation starter if people look askance at your flag!
I feel really lucky to have one of my best sets of childhood memories be about America's 200th birthday in 1976. I was 7 years old and my mom and I lived with my grandparents. My grandfather was a gadget guy. We lived in a Miami FL retirement-friendly trailer park and he built a wind turbine for electricity, a ham radio, and a little electric car that we rode around in to the pool and playgrounds. He also had a huge 60s Greyhound bus parked in the driveway (the big rounded metal kind) that he gutted. He put in wall-to-wall shag carpet; bolted down real furniture; built this pull out bathroom and shower that had a mural of a forest in it; a kitchen in the back...it was very 70s and awesome!
So in the summer of '76, my grandparents and I (and my grandfather's parrot Charlie) took off to travel the entirety of the eastern seaboard for three months stopping to visit family in Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, and Virginia, and hitting every national park, military base (grandfather was retired air force), and site there was to see all the way up to Maine.
We made several pit stops in DC over those three months, including for the 4th. My grandfather would put "Tour A" up on the sign at the front of the bus, close all the curtains, and park with all the other tour busses in DC....all the while hoping no one got curious about the parrot sounds coming from the bus.
I remember DC being completely decked out...every building, museum, park, etc had something to offer. I remember a Freedom train that was going around from town to town, a parade where I got to shake hands with Colonel Sanders of KFC fame (very exciting to a 7 yr old)....and of course there was THE QUEEN'S VISIT!!!!! And I was there when she came out onto a balcony of the White House and waved to the crowds.
There were air shows to go to, special performances all over the city, reenactments...the list of things to do and see was endless. My favorite place was the Air and Space Museum and we went several times.
And then, there was the 4th itself where my grandparents and I, my aunt, and some cousins, sat along the reflecting pool on the esplanade to watch the fireworks. My aunt even got a couple leeches on her leg!
This is the energy I'm trying to channel into how I celebrate this year. It really was a party for the people back then and that's what I desperately want it to be this time around.
Thank you for sharing this! I love it!
The Tour A sign! Brilliant! Loved this.
How did you say it? We celebrate and love America because even now, we believe we can make it better. That's a very loose interpretation but YES! The best form of patriotism is to push our country closer to its promises and potential, because we love it.