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Kristen Schapson's avatar

At the 9 min mark there’s an audio error that has a very pronounced over recording of ( I think) Beth saying “shit” and it gave me the biggest laugh and I listened to it multiple times, just FYI. (On Spotify)

Yvette Vandermolen's avatar

In the early 1980s there was a teacher at my junior high who had chosen her grandmother's first name as her last name. She was very open at school about her disdain for the practice of labelling daughters as belonging to a father or a husband (she was divorced with two daughters, who were my friends). That has always stuck with me, as a feminist and daughter of divorced parents and grandparents (I had 5 parents by the time the marriage-go-round stopped spinning. Last names were not a trivial matter.)

I chose my husband's last name because I have great respect for his dad and family, something I didn't have for my own father so it didn't make much sense to keep my maiden name. If I had never married, I probably would've changed my name like that teacher did, but my maternal grandfather was the only grandparent who supported or even acknowledged me, so I considered taking his last name.

As for my middle name, I never used it or even really connected to it, but I like the Z in Suzanne. My maiden name starts with a Z and I always liked my initials, so I kept that letter and dropped everything else. That vestigial letter as my middle name has caused some minor problems - had to send back my grad school diploma and explain (again) that the Z is not an initial - but I'm glad I kept it. It honors my father's name and my mother's choice of middle name without placing either of them on a pedestal they don't deserve.

This name conversation brought up some heavy stuff for me, which is ridiculous given the very heavy topic of Israel at the heart of the episode. My parents divorced soon after I was born, and I was brought up with my stepfather's last name - much against my father's wishes. When I was young, my mother once made a point of telling me that she gave me the middle name Suzanne so that I'd have lots of choices - I could go by Sue or Anne or SueAnn or Susan (why not by the French-sounding Suzanne? Idk). But neither she nor anyone else I knew, family or friends, had ever called me by any version of my middle name. Her thoughtfulness around the name seemed pointless. Years later, when I was in my forties and long after my father had died, she started telling people - in my presence - that Yvette was the name of one of my father's mistresses and that's why he gave me that name. I mean...who does this?! Not only had I never heard such a thing before, but why say such a thing around other people?! It's painful enough to hear it by myself. And why, if she hated my name so much, did she not just call me Suzanne throughout my childhood? She could enroll me in school under my stepfather's name but not under my middle name? At least my middle name was my actual legal name!

My father always told me he named me Yvette after the French American actress Yvette Mimieux - I always joke that she was French, petite and blonde and I am none of those things. This unusual but somewhat glamorous name is the best gift he ever gave me; I wouldn't be who I am today without it. I don't understand why my mother didn't take it from me when she could have, but she certainly doesn't get to take it now.

Oof. Thanks for the space to get that out. We all have such complicated things to say about something as seemingly simple as names, I can only imagine how complicated it is to be Israeli with all the contradictions in that country. Thank you for an episode that helps us unpack and grapple with all that.

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